Retirement Village for Hardcore Raiders

There has been a running gag in our guild since our (currently on a break) prot/holy paladin joined us on his warlock during Icecrown Citadel, forsaking a spot in the top guild on the realm (the only one that got Lich King 25 heroic during WotLK) at the time for a nice quiet spot in a 10man guild with a 2-night/week raid schedule that we should advertise ourselves as a Retirement Village for Hardcore Raiders.

This joke has unexpectedly become a very real thing for us since Cataclysm put 10mans on the same progress scale as 25s.  Our first was an application from a random shadow priest that nobody knew (a previous alt, it turns out, that some people actually did know), who had been in a guild that had occupied the Realm First spot at one point. The second was a Name on our realm, saying that he wanted the more relaxed raiding schedule.  It turned out that he was wrong - he can either not raid or he can raid 5 days a week.  We were very sad to say goodbye to him, but we did extend a friendly hand and welcome him back on an alt whenever he wanted.

We have now received 3 cross-realm apps, all of which have cited our progress and the 2day raid week as the main reason they looked at us.  The one we got yesterday...  I actually thought it was someone trolling me.  But I am currently looking at a toon on armoury with my guild tag and an achievement history that would gain him entry to a world top 30 guild.  It seems this gentleman scrolled down the list of top guilds until he hit on one that raided 2 days a week.  And that lucky little guild was us.

I am in the process of persuading my guild leader to put "Retirement Village for Hardcore Raiders" in our wowprogress and guildox descriptions.

Handicapped mode

During Icecrown Citadel, the top guild on my realm ran pugs of ICC25 with their alts.  Because some of their players didn't have raid ready alts or weren't interested, they pugged a few spots each week.  Usually the "pugs" were regulars in the group, alts from one or two of the other top 5 guilds on the realm and some mains from the two top 10man guilds on the realm (one of which was us yay!).

The raids were pretty good - we usually managed to do three to five bosses on heroic (our best was 8/12 heroic) and we even managed to build a Shadowmourne.

Sometimes, however, the regulars weren't able to make it.  And then we had to have actual pugs (sinister music).  Normally, we did Blood-Queen Lana'thel on heroic mode, but one such week we had decided that we had too many pugs to take her on hardmode as usual, so we would do it on normal mode because it didn't look like we had the dps.  And we wiped.  And wiped.  Blood-Queen is a fairly simple fight and the regulars all looked on in horror as our pugs bit the tanks ("thret is 4 n00bs lol"), the healers or just didn't bother to bite anyone at all.  After our first try when we wiped due to 4 people being mind-controlled, our raid leader explained the strats slowly and carefully and in a tone of shock with, I think, a little bit of awe at the realisation of how incredibly stupid people can be.

After about ten wipes, the raid leader said "I think I'm going to switch to normal mode.  Oh damn, I forgot, we're already on normal."  The Man, who had decided not to come that week, happened to be walking through the lounge where I play at the time and heard this on my speakers and said "Tell him to check if there's a handicapped mode."  I relayed this on vent to thunderous laughter from the regulars and general upset from the pugs, incidentally sparking an argument that led to two people being kicked from the raid and another quitting and attempting to wipe us (he ran forward and pulled the boss while all of us were outside her circle and died, causing her to despawn).  Ten minutes after that, when we had all stopped laughing enough to play, we killed her flawlessly with 22 people.

Cut forward one year and it would seem that The Man really is psychic.  Blizzard announced today in an interview on The Escapist the following:

"...there is going to be another difficulty level and this raid difficulty - the random raid finder difficulty level - we haven't figured out exactly what it's going to be called but there will be a difficulty level easier than normal mode."

Handicapped mode is here!  I'm sure that the many guilds who were unable to kill normal mode bosses before they were nerfed will greet this with enthusiasm.  My own reaction to this has been spates of giggles that lasted the whole morning so far and a determination to make the term "Handicapped mode" the go-to phrase to describe it.

Raid Finder

Raid finder.  What a dreadful idea (/dramatic sob).  Our last little bit of community, our last place to find people worth recruiting is being stripped away.  Well it's going through, so let's talk about some of the things that I think should be implemented and/or changed.

Need before Greed system

At the moment, items are marked in three ways (Caster, Tank, Melee) and can be rolled on by everyone who can have any of those specs.  There is, of course, the armour type as well, but this really isn't good enough to stop people from rolling on items that just aren't good enough for them.  As I type this, there are (at least) half a dozen groups in a heavy argument with a rogue regarding a strength ring/neck/back/trinket, telling him that he can't use it and he should give it to the warrior/death knight/paladin and being met with a stolid "Blizz wudn let me role on it if i cudn use it!", twice as many groups trying to explain to a mage/warlock that spirit has been useless for them for eight months now and trying to get him to hand the item to the healer/shadow priest and getting back half formed arguments about crit/life tap and ending with the same "Blizz wudn let me role on it if i cudn use it!" and, quite frankly, the number of groups currently arguing with a dps/healing druid who took a parry trinket or any non-tank group member who took a tank item that the tank needed for his offspec scares the hell out of me.  I won't even think about all the people who hit need on an item just for the vendor price.  Eventually, all of these people will be kicked from their groups with the reason "ninja" or similar.

And this is ninjaing, whatever Blizzard says in defense of their awful loot system.  Taking an item offspec and refusing to give it to someone for their mainspec is ninjaing.  If you want to tank, join the group as a tank or suffer with gathering up the leftovers that the real tank doesn't want.  Same if you want to heal.  When all else fails, if 4 people are yelling at you that you messed up, there's a pretty good chance you've messed up.

The Fix:

There needs to be more categories for items.  Healer, Spell Spirit, Spell Hit, Spell DPS, Spell, Tank (Parry/Strength), Tank, Agility, Strength.  And more rolling options than just "Need" or "Greed".  I'd suggest Mainspec, Offspec, Temporary and Greed.  Then the role check that Blizzard put into the raid makeup can get put to work!  Only mainspec healers can roll Mainspec on Healer items (I'm thinking of items that are specifically for healers here, like Jaws of Defeat or Eye of Blazing Power), the Fury warrior can only roll on tank items as Offspec and the mage and warlock can only roll on spirit/healer items as Temporary.  To be honest, Blizzard could have some fun with that rolling option - I personally would call it "I know it's really bad for me but it really is an upgrade - sad isn't it :'(".

Here's a brief breakdown of what I think the availability should look like:

Healer:  Mainspec to healers, Offspec to spirit users, Temporary to mages and warlocks.

Spell Spirit:  Mainspec to healers and spirit users, Temporary to mages and warlocks.

Spell Hit: Mainspec to mages and warlocks, Offspec to spirit-using dpsers, Temporary to healers.

Spell DPS: Mainspec to all caster dps, Offspec to all caster-dps capable classes, Temporary to paladins.  (Trinkets again mostly, eg Necromantic Focus)

Spell (items without hit or spirit):  Mainspec to all mainspec casters, Offspec to all caster-able melee/tanks.

Tank (Parry/Strength): Mainspec to death knight, paladin and warrior tanks and Offspec to death knight, paladin and warrior dps.

Tank:  Mainspec to all tanks, Offspec to all tank-capable dps/healers (Trinkets again mostly, eg Symbiotic Worm)

Agility:  Mainspec to hunters, feral druids, enhance shamans and rogues, Offspec to restoration and balance druids and elemental and restoration shamans, Temporary to strength-users.

Strength:  Mainspec to death knight, paladin and warrior dps, Offspec to death knight, paladin and warrior tanks, Temporary to agility-users.

Possibly an item-level check could be used to ensure that people don't hit need on items they don't need just for the vendor cost, but then this can be dodgy, especially for casters.

Raid entry

Luckily, I live in an obscure corner of Africa, so anybody who reads this and gets their pitchforks and burning torches out will have a hard time finding me.

There should be a basic test done on each raid instance before you are allowed to queue for it.  When I say "basic", I mean something really simple like a multiple-choice questionnaire that anyone who can find the Dungeon Journal and isn't completely illiterate can pass.  One question per phase of each boss can be given, depending on the complexity of the fight.

Raid leading

Every raid needs a raid leader.  Even raids which are generally a community effort need someone to assign people to adds and other things (flying on Alys, who goes up on top of the web in Beth'tilac's phase one, Molten Traps on Ragnaros).  In order to sign up as a raid leader, a more difficult test should be given.  I'm thinking questions like:  "Which classes are better suited to flying in Phase One of Alysrazor?" and then giving a list of answers that almost look correct but include pet classes in most of them, or "How many people need to be assigned to interrupts on Maloriak?".

Removing someone from the group

Well, this is a tricky one.  I believe that a 2/3 majority should be implemented for this, largely because a simple majority can mean that everyone else thinks that the 5 people from one guild are full of [censored].  I also believe that a list of options should be given by each person who votes regarding the reason that they're voting to remove the person (eg, DPS below [minimum required raid dps to defeat boss divided by the number of dpsers in the raid] (dps only), Unhealable (tank), Low healing (healer), Unpleasant personality, Dies too much, Refuses to follow instructions).

I also think that this should be recorded and after a certain amount of votes from separate accounts for one of those items that person should be disallowed from queuing for that instance (possibly as that role specifically) for a set period of time (2 weeks?) and after a larger amount should be disallowed from queuing for raids entirely for a longer period of time (a month?).  A letter of explanation should be sent as soon as the numbers have been reached and the prevention has been put in place.

Dear [name]

You will not be able to queue for [instance] for two weeks / one month as you have received 100/1000 votes that your damage/healing/tanking is insufficient for this instance / you have been unpleasant to group with / you are incapable of staying out of dangerous effects / you refuse to follow the raid leader's instructions to the detriment of the group.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused and suggest that you take steps to improve your performance in this area to avoid harsher penalties in future.

Or something similar.

Rating people in the raid

This one is even trickier than the last.  In compliment with the vote kick system above, at the end of the raid an option can be provided inquiring if you wish to compliment someone.  Humans being humans, it's unlikely that anyone who doesn't stand out and show themselves as truly exceptional will inspire anyone to take the time to say "Yes actually that one guy is incredible I really need to make sure that this is known." so I think each compliment received by someone who isn't in your guild should apply as a negative amount of vote-kicks, say 20, and an in-game mail should be sent on receipt of the 10th compliment in each area (good healer/dps/tank/raid leader, nice person, etc) congratulating the person and encouraging them to keep up the good behaviour.

Dear [name]

You have now received 10 compliments regarding your [healing / dps / tanking / personality / raid leading].  Keep up the good work!

Perhaps with extra rewards like a companion pet or something for 100 and 1000 compliments to encourage people to look up their classes and be nice to others.

I realise this is a lot of work, but introducing a raid finder that's exactly like the dungeon finder but with more people is a good way to completely destroy what little there is left of the WoW community.

Random, unconnected things I felt I should share:  There is a company that I pass everyday taking my youngest daughter to school called that has a sign that says "LFW" with "Lifestyle Flooring World" underneath in small letters.  It took me a while to realise that "LFW" was their company logo, rather than an advertisement (Mom:  Looking For Work.  People use it in trade when they're advertising their crafting professions).

Why Lordaeron Fell

We all know the story of the fall of Lordaeron and the rise of the Forsaken from playing Warcraft III (for those who do not, read this with special reference to the human campaign), but very few people seem to have looked at The Culling of Stratholme with anything but an emotional eye.

This is a difficult topic to broach, as there are so many elements to it.  It's not as simple as arriving at a city in wartime and finding that every inhabitant has turned traitor and it's also not as simple as a debilitating plague starting up in a major city during wartime.  It's effectively an Ebola outbreak in a major city during wartime where the strain of Ebola turns you into a particularly dangerous traitor whether you like it or not.

There is also a young man who has grown up on land which is known as "cursed" to the nearby Quel'dorei - a place where whispers seep up from under the ground and drive people mad - and taught by a gentle, loving father to love his people more than anything else and trained from birth to be a strong leader.

This young man is sent on a fact-finding mission with his mentor and the woman he loves when some strange reports come in from the outlying regions of their kingdom.  When he arrives at the villages and towns in question, he finds that the people have fallen victim to a plague which turns them into mindless zombies.  Not only are they at war with the plague being a deliberate attack from their adversary, but they are at war with their own people.  He rushes to find out how the plague is being spread and finds that certain shipments of grain have been infected.  He resolves to track down the shipments and try to destroy them before they can infect anyone else, arriving at the largest city aside from the the city of Lordaeron in the kingdom, only to find that the infected grain has already been distributed and that most, if not all, of the population are already infected.

The young man is faced with two choices here:

1.  Wait until they turn and lay siege to a city of people who cannot be starved out and who will not even lose even one person if the water supply is cut off, losing thousands of men in the attempt to wipe out the undead, all the while listening to the screams of the uninfected as they are brutally murdered.

2.  Kill the entire population as quickly and cleanly as possible, losing very few, if any, soldiers in the process and ensuring that none of the already condemned population suffers.  Why all?  Because people lie.  "No I didn't have any of the grain honest! BRAAAAINSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!"

When it's put like that, there really is only one option.  Unless you happen to be a particularly cruel person who enjoys the suffering of others.

I do agree that this was the turning point in Arthas' life, where he started his descent into madness and fell under the sway of the Lich King.  But I disagree emphatically that the decision to murder the residents of Stratholme in their beds was the first step in that descent.  This was a rational, sensible, kind decision.  The first step into his insanity was not made by him.  It was made by Uther the Traitor.

Yes, traitor.

This man not only refused to make the correct decision, but he refused to take the orders that anybody with even an iota of intelligence would have gratefully accepted.  During war, any act that deliberately helps the enemy is an act of treason.  And treason is punishable by death.  Even now, in this modern age.  By all rights, Arthas should have executed him on the spot.

I'm not sure why he didn't.  Perhaps because he entertained a large amount of affection and reverence for the man who had mentored him for so many years but I think it more likely that he had made enough hard decisions for one day and that he thought could trust his father to do the right thing.  How wrong he was.

The second step down his path of madness was made by Jaina.  She was his friend and they had, in the past, considered marriage.  She turned her back on him when he needed her the most.  I can tell you from experience how it feels when the worst thing that you could possibly imagine happens to you and everyone turns their back on you.  On that day, you find out who your true friends are.  And it's more than enough to drive you insane when you find that, instead of the ten or so you think it is, it's only two.  How much worse it must feel to find that you have none.

The third step, of course, was Arthas' decision to go to Northrend in order to chase after Mal'ganis.  The combination of the loss of the people he was closest to and having to order the deaths of thousands of the people he cared more about than his own life was enough to send him into a psychotic, vengeful rage with the dreadlord that persisted even into his undeath.  This is remarkable, as all other feelings, including the love of his people, abandoned him after his transformation into a Death Knight.

The final blow to his sanity was delivered by a messenger from his father in Northrend.  He discovered that the man he trusted most, the man he had believed to be a good and strong leader, had not executed the traitorous Uther and he was now ordered home like a truculent child to be disciplined for his actions.

Do I think that if they had both stayed and supported his decision he wouldn't have become the Lich King?  Do I think that his father's support would have prevented this?  No, I don't.  The path was planned out too carefully.  Perhaps the Lich King knew of the weakness in his closest friends and father, perhaps it was just an unexpected bonus and cut out a few steps on the path to madness.  Either way, it certainly gave the Lich King an opening.  The whispers began and the end drew near...

Do I believe that the fall of Lordaeron was a foregone conclusion given that Arthas was always destined to become the Lich King?  No.

I believe Lordaeron fell because Terenas was a bad king.  In peacetime, his land flourished and he governed kindly and wisely.  Faced with war from within, he showed weakness, an unwillingness to make the hard decisions required from a ruler during wartime.  A sacrifice of a few to save many is a brutal choice to have to make and Terenas Menethil just wasn't up to it.

His policy was to support Uther's decision - let entire cities be turned and then fight them.  This policy caused Lordaeron to be overrun by the undead in short order, the soldiers finding themselves outnumbered and fighting against the rotting husks of their loved ones.  Had he made the hard decision the country's population at the end of the war would have been much higher overall, since there would have been less undead for the living to fight.  Perhaps not enough to fill more than the city of Lordaeron and a few surrounding villages in Tirisfal Glades, but certainly enough to rebuild.

Uther's treachery remains unexplained.  Perhaps he had fallen victim to the "maddening whispers" that the elves knew lay in wait in Tirisfal.  Perhaps he was an agent of the Burning Legion or the Lich King.  Perhaps he was just a very, very stupid man.

How did Terenas Menethil devolve from a strong wartime leader in the Second War into an ineffectual twit?  Perhaps senility set in, perhaps Uther was drugging or poisoning him, perhaps he too fell to the whispers from beneath his home...

The story of Lordaeron is truly a sad one, but I believe the blame has too long rested on the wrong man's shoulders.

Thrall

When did Blizzard decide that what their fantasy online game where you fight dragons, gods, demons and monsters really needed was more girly stuff?  This is a dreadful trend.  Just dreadful.

Fortunately, I play Horde and was therefore not subjected to the embarrassing display that Jaina made of herself in Halls of Reflection on a daily basis for roughly a year like the Alliance were.  As low as my opinion of anyone who chooses to play Alliance is, I don't think that forcing them to put up with this for that long was very kind at all.

In the same patch was the Deathbringer Saurfang event, where our very own hero, Varok Saurfang faced a heartwrenching moment in which the reanimated body of his dead son tried to kill him (Horde version) and where, once again, Jaina made a spectacle of herself (Alliance version).

And now... now we get this utterly dreadful quest chain which starts off epically with Thrall getting ripped to pieces and sent in bits to the Elemental Planes but quickly dissolves into a silly love story with Aggra chasing him around said planes and finding that each elemental plane represents a part of his soul (Doubt, Desire, Patience, Anger) and pulling him out of the various emotions with Love...  It sounds like the plot of a Barbie movie.  Except going into it you're expecting to fight monsters, not a surfeit of pink and soppy sentiments.

Suddenly, all of our heroes and leaders are being destroyed by Blizzard.  It started off insidiously, with Thrall looking more and more like an ineffectual twat as he drags Garrosh around with him in Northrend, helplessly standing by as he shatters the fragile peace between the Horde and the Alliance.  According to the books, Thrall doesn't even like the guy.  So why take him everywhere?  Especially when the mouthbreathing moron does his best to wreck everything you've spent the last 15 years building...

Next up was giving Jaina Proudmoore a complete and utter mental breakdown during Icecrown Citadel.  The same Jaina who ordered the death of her own father to protect the peace she was building with the Horde.  Suddenly she's in hysterics over having to kill a guy she went on a few dates with?  And over someone allowing a man to take his child's body home for burial?

Then Cata rolls around and suddenly Thrall puts this same mouthbreather in charge of the Horde while he's gone?!  And Sylvanas has booked a one-way ride on the Crazy Express, gone past Crazy Town, straight through Lunacyville, over Maniacal Mountains, through Barmy Bog and I think found a whole new area of sanity (Rational Reaches?  Lucid Lake?) and passed through that into Psycho Point.  Seems like that's only an overnight stop though.  There are definite signs that she's intending to continue her journey.  Future raid boss maybe?  Hell, we killed Illidan when he was barely in the foothills of Maniacal Mountains...

Firelands!

Woo Firelands today!  Ok gonna go play now BYE!

Finding a new guild

There are a lot of threads out there telling people how to apply to a guild but, as far as I can tell, very few of them come from the point of view of the recruitment officer.  So I thought I'd throw in my 2cents.

Step 1:

Find out what your current guild's reputation is.

Wait, what?  Why would this affect me?  I'm leaving.  Well, it makes a huge difference.  If your current guild has a reputation for being bad or douchebags, you will have to work to convince the guild you're applying to that you're not one of those people.  Nobody wants That Guy, and some guilds have a reputation for being That Guy storehouses.

For example, we could have bled a certain similarly progressed guild of at least half their members but the contact I got from them was, on average, less "I can't stand these people" and more "You should be grateful I'm even considering you, you worthless sack of dung. I expect to be made guild leader right away."  People from that guild automatically get a black mark against them and I'm wary of considering them no matter how good their experience is.  A single incorrect gem or enchant is enough for me to turn them away.

On the other hand, there are certain guilds that have a very good reputation where I'm willing to overlook a lot to get my grubby little paws on one of their members (We have at least one person who is capable of playing the applicant's class/spec extremely well and can teach them).  After making sure that they really want to leave of course.

Step 2:

Find a non-officer to chat to.

The easiest way to do this is armoury the guild and pick someone from the highest populated rank.  This will usually mean an alt or a member raider (depending on whether or not the guild allows alts).  If you've found an officer, move on.  A guild with more officers than members is bad news.

When you've found someone suitable, ensure that they're not in an instance and whisper them politely to ask if you can have a minute of their time to chat about their guild as you're thinking of applying.  Be patient.  Wait 5 minutes and then try again if you don't get a response in that time.  If they don't respond on your third attempt, try someone else.  If you don't get any responses, even to try redirect you to an officer, then bear in mind that the guild atmosphere is probably very unfriendly to new people.

When you do get someone to chat to, ask how long they've been in guild, what raid atmosphere is like, what guild atmosphere is like, how drama is dealt with, if the officers are nice, etc.  Don't ask any "officer" questions (what loot system do you have, what are the raid times, what consumables are provided, what am I expected to bring etc).  See if you can start up a nice, fun chat with the person.  If they're new, ask them to direct you to a long-time resident of the guild.

Step 3:

Go to the guild website and look around.

Read everything you have access to without signing up.  There should be a progress report, a set of guild rules, an application form and, if you're lucky, all applications will be public.

Look at the progress stuff first.  If there are kill vids, watch them all.  This will give you a good sense of raid atmosphere and the people in the guild.

Read the rules head to toe.  Make a note of anything unusual.  One guild that I've looked at had "Your favourite flavour of jellybean is Crazy Confetti.  Make a note of this, it will be important later." stuffed randomly into their guild rules.  I giggled and moved on to their application form and there, right at the end, was the question I was expecting:  "What is your favourite flavour of jellybean?"

Read recent applications.  Look at the experience that the applicants have and the reasons for a decline or accept.  Look at their WotLK experience as well as their current experience.  Check the dates on their achievements.  If you have the same or less experience than someone who was declined on account of lack of experience then don't waste your time or theirs applying unless you've had a direct invitation to apply from an officer (this does not mean "I whispered them after they posted their ad in trade and they said go apply", this means "I ran in their alt run as a pug and someone asked if I'd be interested in joining them and gave me the website address").

Step 4:

Decide whether or not this guild sounds like a place you would like to be.

Throw progress and moving up in the ranks and so on out of the window.  Pretend you are joining a social guild and intend to stay there for life.  Is this the place that you want to be for the rest of your life?  What are the odds of you staying for longer than a month? 3 months? 6 months?  Will you be able to deal with these people for 100% of your leisure time for months on end?

The most important thing here is to be honest with yourself.  Don't just say "Yes I want to be in this guild" and ignore the warning flags your brain has raised.  If a top progression guild seems like a godawfully miserable place to be, then rather find a less progressed guild where you'll enjoy yourself.  A reputation for guild hopping follows you to different realms.  A lot of guilds look for references from officers of previous guilds while considering your app.

Step 5:

Check yourself.

Make sure your spec is good.  If you don't have a cookie cutter build or you have odd talent or glyph choices, make sure they're good and you have solid reasoning behind them.  Make sure every single item of gear you have is gemmed and enchanted with the best enchant that's available to you.  A reasonable officer won't be upset if you have haste on blue wrists instead of the expensive Intellect/Agility/Strength maelstrom enchant, but don't count on the person looking at your app being reasonable.  Make sure to log out in the spec and correct gear for that spec on every single logout until you get a response to your app.  Don't equip any new gear even if you log out for less than a minute to go make the enchant and gems on your alt.  Assume that luck will not favour you and that less than a minute between armoury updates will be the exact time the recruitment officer looks at your toon.

Step 6:

Make an application.

This might sound strange but, don't use the application template as an actual template.  It will make your application stand out from the rest.  The minute I see an app which isn't a direct copy-paste with answers in place of the bracketed info I sit up and pay real attention.  Everytime I have to decline an app like this a piece of my soul dies.  Fortunately, it's extremely rare that someone who makes that much effort over an app is below our requirements (only 1 so far thank goodness).

Write up your application in a separate place, Word, Notepad, Wordpad, whatever and make sure to hit save occasionally (your av deciding to reboot for you when you're just about to hit Submit is soul-crushing).  When you're finished your application, check the time.  If you spent less than 2 hours writing your app, you did it wrong.  Go back and flesh out your responses.

Make sure that you answer every question that is asked, even if you think that they're stupid.  Don't look for a right answer because there isn't one.  Just give an honest one.  Try make your answer to silly or personality questions original and interesting.  If I had a penny for every time I've seen "downing a hard boss" in answer to "What's your most rewarding WoW experience?" I'd have... well 20p, because we've only had 20 apps since we added that question.  Be specific.  Which boss?  Be descriptive.  Outline the back story and colour in the frustration and the magic of everything coming together and just working the way it sometimes does.  Make a joke out of it.  Something.  Anything!  Just be different.

Add logs to your app, even if they're not asked for.  Even if you're a tank.  I want to see how much avoidable damage you take, use of survival cooldowns, pot usage, damage done, healing done...  The works.  And don't just give that one set of logs where you were top of the damage/healing meter either.  Link a set of logs where you did farm content and one where you did progress content.  I want to see how comfortable and reliable you are in progression content as well as how high you can push those numbers in content you're familiar with.

Step 7:

Wait.

This is the hardest part.  Some guilds aren't rigorous about looking at their forums.  Don't expect to be contacted in-game.  Assume that the response to your application will be on forums.  Wait a week for a response on forums before whispering anyone in the guild requesting a response.  If a week goes by without a response and you do end up having to whisper someone, try make sure it's an officer (armoury is your friend here again - whisper someone in the top 3 guild ranks for preference) and be polite.  "I'm terribly sorry to bother you, I made an application on your guild forums about a week ago and I was wondering what the average response time is."  The same rules of "not in an instance or raid" apply here.  If you bug me while I'm fighting Omnotron I'm NOT going to answer you.  Unless you immediately apologise for disturbing me and say you'll contact me after the raid.  Don't ask me what time that is - you should know already, having been on the forums to apply.

Step 8:

Don't argue with the person who responds to your post.

Yes, even if they're stupid.  If you're asked about talent, glyph, reforge and gear choices, don't be confrontational.  Give reasons why you have those talents.  If you have any awkward talents like Body and Soul which can cause clashes with a Discipline priest, show that you're aware of potential clashes and explain the utility that you can provide with Body and Soul.  If they ask a question that you can't find a reasonable answer to, go respec/gem/enchant/glyph and respond saying "You made an excellent point and brought something to my attention that I can't believe I missed.  My sincerest apologies for making you think I am an idiot.  Please give me another chance to prove that I'm not."  Ok, you don't have to be a sycophant, but do acknowledge any errors on your part and fix them as soon as possible.

Step 9:

Your trial.

But wait, I'm already in the guild.  This isn't part of the application process, is it?  Yes, actually.  It is.  You're still not a member of the guild, you're just being allowed to run errands for the cool kids for a bit to see if you're cool enough to hang with them.

Stay quiet until you've made some friends and are comfortable with the guild atmosphere.  Don't establish your presence right off the bat.  Don't speak unless spoken to.  If a fun, nonsense conversation is going on, join in.  Contradictory?  Not really.  Getting a feel for guild atmosphere is good, making yourself the guy that never speaks to anyone is bad.

If you're assigned a go-to person regarding your class, contact them immediately and ask if they have any suggestions for you.  Ask reasons if you don't understand and act on their advice immediately if they have good reasons.

Read the rest of forums.  Especially any strats that are up.  Read the entirety of the strat thread.  There might be a crucial change on page 10 to the main strat posted on page 1.  If the strat thread has no answers, contact your officer and ask about those strats.  Just because the fight was so easy that it was done on the first day doesn't mean there weren't strat changes on that first day, it just means that nobody bothered to update it.

Be helpful.  If someone wants a boost, offer to help when you're done with whatever you're doing now.  Don't feel obliged to drop what you're doing to help them.  Apologise if you're unable to, eg if you're just running your daily random quickly and afterwards you have to log off to make supper and offer to help them another time.  If someone asks for people for a heroic, offer your assistance.  Obviously don't put yourself out too much, but be as helpful and friendly as you can be within your time constraints.

Be kind and polite to everyone.  You never know when that social member you're being slightly condescending to is actually a long-standing member who is currently on a hiatus due to irl issues and will be back his officer spot by the time your trial comes up for promotion/kick.  Or the guild leader's girlfriend.  Or one of the longstanding raiders' best friend.  You have been warned.

How to convince a guild that they want you even though your experience is dismal:

Find out who the recruitment officer is and speak to them.

Be friendly and polite and a little (not too much) grovelly.  Say that you know that your experience is below what they would normally accept and that you're afraid to apply because you're positive that you'll be rejected and ask if there is any way at all that they could maybe possibly give you a trial run in their alt run or something.  Make sure that your gear is gemmed and enchanted perfectly and up-to-date with the best website that there is for your class (usually EJ).  Don't be rude or abusive if they say no.  Thank them for their time and say that you'll go and get some experience and get back to them.

The odds of you being given a trial run is tiny.  Don't run away with the idea that this is a surefire method of getting in with minimal experience.  It's a maybe only.  And you still have to perform to the quality of their main run as well as be universally liked in the trial run if you get it.  Being as good as our alts won't get you spot even if I do let you in.  Being better than our alts will give you a good chance.  Being as good as or better than our mains will guarantee that your app will be accepted, even if this is your first toon and you've never raided before.

How Not to do it:

1.  Try and get out of making a forum app.  Act insulted that they are too lazy to inspect you in-game or armoury you.

2.  Pick a member of the raid team and critique them in your app, explaining why you're a much better choice than my 25k dps hunter who does everything (I mean everything, gongs on Atra, parasites on Magmaw, freeing drakes on Halfus, adds on Cho'gall - you name the dps responsibility beyond "hit the boss until it dies", he does it), was a founding member of the guild 3.5 years ago and has been my guild leader's best friend for 20 years and how you should replace him.

3.  Make sure to let the recruiting officer know how grateful he should be that you've condescended to consider boosting them even though they're far below your capabilities.  They might be unaware of this otherwise.

4.  Demand a spot in the main raid team immediately.

5.  Demand that a secondary group is started if told that they're not taking apps at the time.

6.  Say that you got kicked out of your last guild because they were *^#*&@^# retards and list all the reasons why they were *^#&@)(@$ retards.  Use every swear word you know at least 3 times.

7.  Say that you think the guild rules are stupid.  Provide a list of stupidities in the guild rules and make your reasoning as flawed as possible.  eg, "teh rool wut sez ur not aloud 2 ninja stuf r DUM cos i r beta then teh n00bz wut r in teh grp n i desreve teh stuf 2 seel moar then wut tey r dserev 2 were".

8.  If all else fails, be as obnoxious and unpleasant to everyone you come into contact with from said guild.