Retirement Village for Hardcore Raiders

There has been a running gag in our guild since our (currently on a break) prot/holy paladin joined us on his warlock during Icecrown Citadel, forsaking a spot in the top guild on the realm (the only one that got Lich King 25 heroic during WotLK) at the time for a nice quiet spot in a 10man guild with a 2-night/week raid schedule that we should advertise ourselves as a Retirement Village for Hardcore Raiders.

This joke has unexpectedly become a very real thing for us since Cataclysm put 10mans on the same progress scale as 25s.  Our first was an application from a random shadow priest that nobody knew (a previous alt, it turns out, that some people actually did know), who had been in a guild that had occupied the Realm First spot at one point. The second was a Name on our realm, saying that he wanted the more relaxed raiding schedule.  It turned out that he was wrong - he can either not raid or he can raid 5 days a week.  We were very sad to say goodbye to him, but we did extend a friendly hand and welcome him back on an alt whenever he wanted.

We have now received 3 cross-realm apps, all of which have cited our progress and the 2day raid week as the main reason they looked at us.  The one we got yesterday...  I actually thought it was someone trolling me.  But I am currently looking at a toon on armoury with my guild tag and an achievement history that would gain him entry to a world top 30 guild.  It seems this gentleman scrolled down the list of top guilds until he hit on one that raided 2 days a week.  And that lucky little guild was us.

I am in the process of persuading my guild leader to put "Retirement Village for Hardcore Raiders" in our wowprogress and guildox descriptions.

Handicapped mode

During Icecrown Citadel, the top guild on my realm ran pugs of ICC25 with their alts.  Because some of their players didn't have raid ready alts or weren't interested, they pugged a few spots each week.  Usually the "pugs" were regulars in the group, alts from one or two of the other top 5 guilds on the realm and some mains from the two top 10man guilds on the realm (one of which was us yay!).

The raids were pretty good - we usually managed to do three to five bosses on heroic (our best was 8/12 heroic) and we even managed to build a Shadowmourne.

Sometimes, however, the regulars weren't able to make it.  And then we had to have actual pugs (sinister music).  Normally, we did Blood-Queen Lana'thel on heroic mode, but one such week we had decided that we had too many pugs to take her on hardmode as usual, so we would do it on normal mode because it didn't look like we had the dps.  And we wiped.  And wiped.  Blood-Queen is a fairly simple fight and the regulars all looked on in horror as our pugs bit the tanks ("thret is 4 n00bs lol"), the healers or just didn't bother to bite anyone at all.  After our first try when we wiped due to 4 people being mind-controlled, our raid leader explained the strats slowly and carefully and in a tone of shock with, I think, a little bit of awe at the realisation of how incredibly stupid people can be.

After about ten wipes, the raid leader said "I think I'm going to switch to normal mode.  Oh damn, I forgot, we're already on normal."  The Man, who had decided not to come that week, happened to be walking through the lounge where I play at the time and heard this on my speakers and said "Tell him to check if there's a handicapped mode."  I relayed this on vent to thunderous laughter from the regulars and general upset from the pugs, incidentally sparking an argument that led to two people being kicked from the raid and another quitting and attempting to wipe us (he ran forward and pulled the boss while all of us were outside her circle and died, causing her to despawn).  Ten minutes after that, when we had all stopped laughing enough to play, we killed her flawlessly with 22 people.

Cut forward one year and it would seem that The Man really is psychic.  Blizzard announced today in an interview on The Escapist the following:

"...there is going to be another difficulty level and this raid difficulty - the random raid finder difficulty level - we haven't figured out exactly what it's going to be called but there will be a difficulty level easier than normal mode."

Handicapped mode is here!  I'm sure that the many guilds who were unable to kill normal mode bosses before they were nerfed will greet this with enthusiasm.  My own reaction to this has been spates of giggles that lasted the whole morning so far and a determination to make the term "Handicapped mode" the go-to phrase to describe it.

Raid Finder

Raid finder.  What a dreadful idea (/dramatic sob).  Our last little bit of community, our last place to find people worth recruiting is being stripped away.  Well it's going through, so let's talk about some of the things that I think should be implemented and/or changed.

Need before Greed system

At the moment, items are marked in three ways (Caster, Tank, Melee) and can be rolled on by everyone who can have any of those specs.  There is, of course, the armour type as well, but this really isn't good enough to stop people from rolling on items that just aren't good enough for them.  As I type this, there are (at least) half a dozen groups in a heavy argument with a rogue regarding a strength ring/neck/back/trinket, telling him that he can't use it and he should give it to the warrior/death knight/paladin and being met with a stolid "Blizz wudn let me role on it if i cudn use it!", twice as many groups trying to explain to a mage/warlock that spirit has been useless for them for eight months now and trying to get him to hand the item to the healer/shadow priest and getting back half formed arguments about crit/life tap and ending with the same "Blizz wudn let me role on it if i cudn use it!" and, quite frankly, the number of groups currently arguing with a dps/healing druid who took a parry trinket or any non-tank group member who took a tank item that the tank needed for his offspec scares the hell out of me.  I won't even think about all the people who hit need on an item just for the vendor price.  Eventually, all of these people will be kicked from their groups with the reason "ninja" or similar.

And this is ninjaing, whatever Blizzard says in defense of their awful loot system.  Taking an item offspec and refusing to give it to someone for their mainspec is ninjaing.  If you want to tank, join the group as a tank or suffer with gathering up the leftovers that the real tank doesn't want.  Same if you want to heal.  When all else fails, if 4 people are yelling at you that you messed up, there's a pretty good chance you've messed up.

The Fix:

There needs to be more categories for items.  Healer, Spell Spirit, Spell Hit, Spell DPS, Spell, Tank (Parry/Strength), Tank, Agility, Strength.  And more rolling options than just "Need" or "Greed".  I'd suggest Mainspec, Offspec, Temporary and Greed.  Then the role check that Blizzard put into the raid makeup can get put to work!  Only mainspec healers can roll Mainspec on Healer items (I'm thinking of items that are specifically for healers here, like Jaws of Defeat or Eye of Blazing Power), the Fury warrior can only roll on tank items as Offspec and the mage and warlock can only roll on spirit/healer items as Temporary.  To be honest, Blizzard could have some fun with that rolling option - I personally would call it "I know it's really bad for me but it really is an upgrade - sad isn't it :'(".

Here's a brief breakdown of what I think the availability should look like:

Healer:  Mainspec to healers, Offspec to spirit users, Temporary to mages and warlocks.

Spell Spirit:  Mainspec to healers and spirit users, Temporary to mages and warlocks.

Spell Hit: Mainspec to mages and warlocks, Offspec to spirit-using dpsers, Temporary to healers.

Spell DPS: Mainspec to all caster dps, Offspec to all caster-dps capable classes, Temporary to paladins.  (Trinkets again mostly, eg Necromantic Focus)

Spell (items without hit or spirit):  Mainspec to all mainspec casters, Offspec to all caster-able melee/tanks.

Tank (Parry/Strength): Mainspec to death knight, paladin and warrior tanks and Offspec to death knight, paladin and warrior dps.

Tank:  Mainspec to all tanks, Offspec to all tank-capable dps/healers (Trinkets again mostly, eg Symbiotic Worm)

Agility:  Mainspec to hunters, feral druids, enhance shamans and rogues, Offspec to restoration and balance druids and elemental and restoration shamans, Temporary to strength-users.

Strength:  Mainspec to death knight, paladin and warrior dps, Offspec to death knight, paladin and warrior tanks, Temporary to agility-users.

Possibly an item-level check could be used to ensure that people don't hit need on items they don't need just for the vendor cost, but then this can be dodgy, especially for casters.

Raid entry

Luckily, I live in an obscure corner of Africa, so anybody who reads this and gets their pitchforks and burning torches out will have a hard time finding me.

There should be a basic test done on each raid instance before you are allowed to queue for it.  When I say "basic", I mean something really simple like a multiple-choice questionnaire that anyone who can find the Dungeon Journal and isn't completely illiterate can pass.  One question per phase of each boss can be given, depending on the complexity of the fight.

Raid leading

Every raid needs a raid leader.  Even raids which are generally a community effort need someone to assign people to adds and other things (flying on Alys, who goes up on top of the web in Beth'tilac's phase one, Molten Traps on Ragnaros).  In order to sign up as a raid leader, a more difficult test should be given.  I'm thinking questions like:  "Which classes are better suited to flying in Phase One of Alysrazor?" and then giving a list of answers that almost look correct but include pet classes in most of them, or "How many people need to be assigned to interrupts on Maloriak?".

Removing someone from the group

Well, this is a tricky one.  I believe that a 2/3 majority should be implemented for this, largely because a simple majority can mean that everyone else thinks that the 5 people from one guild are full of [censored].  I also believe that a list of options should be given by each person who votes regarding the reason that they're voting to remove the person (eg, DPS below [minimum required raid dps to defeat boss divided by the number of dpsers in the raid] (dps only), Unhealable (tank), Low healing (healer), Unpleasant personality, Dies too much, Refuses to follow instructions).

I also think that this should be recorded and after a certain amount of votes from separate accounts for one of those items that person should be disallowed from queuing for that instance (possibly as that role specifically) for a set period of time (2 weeks?) and after a larger amount should be disallowed from queuing for raids entirely for a longer period of time (a month?).  A letter of explanation should be sent as soon as the numbers have been reached and the prevention has been put in place.

Dear [name]

You will not be able to queue for [instance] for two weeks / one month as you have received 100/1000 votes that your damage/healing/tanking is insufficient for this instance / you have been unpleasant to group with / you are incapable of staying out of dangerous effects / you refuse to follow the raid leader's instructions to the detriment of the group.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused and suggest that you take steps to improve your performance in this area to avoid harsher penalties in future.

Or something similar.

Rating people in the raid

This one is even trickier than the last.  In compliment with the vote kick system above, at the end of the raid an option can be provided inquiring if you wish to compliment someone.  Humans being humans, it's unlikely that anyone who doesn't stand out and show themselves as truly exceptional will inspire anyone to take the time to say "Yes actually that one guy is incredible I really need to make sure that this is known." so I think each compliment received by someone who isn't in your guild should apply as a negative amount of vote-kicks, say 20, and an in-game mail should be sent on receipt of the 10th compliment in each area (good healer/dps/tank/raid leader, nice person, etc) congratulating the person and encouraging them to keep up the good behaviour.

Dear [name]

You have now received 10 compliments regarding your [healing / dps / tanking / personality / raid leading].  Keep up the good work!

Perhaps with extra rewards like a companion pet or something for 100 and 1000 compliments to encourage people to look up their classes and be nice to others.

I realise this is a lot of work, but introducing a raid finder that's exactly like the dungeon finder but with more people is a good way to completely destroy what little there is left of the WoW community.

Random, unconnected things I felt I should share:  There is a company that I pass everyday taking my youngest daughter to school called that has a sign that says "LFW" with "Lifestyle Flooring World" underneath in small letters.  It took me a while to realise that "LFW" was their company logo, rather than an advertisement (Mom:  Looking For Work.  People use it in trade when they're advertising their crafting professions).

Why Lordaeron Fell

We all know the story of the fall of Lordaeron and the rise of the Forsaken from playing Warcraft III (for those who do not, read this with special reference to the human campaign), but very few people seem to have looked at The Culling of Stratholme with anything but an emotional eye.

This is a difficult topic to broach, as there are so many elements to it.  It's not as simple as arriving at a city in wartime and finding that every inhabitant has turned traitor and it's also not as simple as a debilitating plague starting up in a major city during wartime.  It's effectively an Ebola outbreak in a major city during wartime where the strain of Ebola turns you into a particularly dangerous traitor whether you like it or not.

There is also a young man who has grown up on land which is known as "cursed" to the nearby Quel'dorei - a place where whispers seep up from under the ground and drive people mad - and taught by a gentle, loving father to love his people more than anything else and trained from birth to be a strong leader.

This young man is sent on a fact-finding mission with his mentor and the woman he loves when some strange reports come in from the outlying regions of their kingdom.  When he arrives at the villages and towns in question, he finds that the people have fallen victim to a plague which turns them into mindless zombies.  Not only are they at war with the plague being a deliberate attack from their adversary, but they are at war with their own people.  He rushes to find out how the plague is being spread and finds that certain shipments of grain have been infected.  He resolves to track down the shipments and try to destroy them before they can infect anyone else, arriving at the largest city aside from the the city of Lordaeron in the kingdom, only to find that the infected grain has already been distributed and that most, if not all, of the population are already infected.

The young man is faced with two choices here:

1.  Wait until they turn and lay siege to a city of people who cannot be starved out and who will not even lose even one person if the water supply is cut off, losing thousands of men in the attempt to wipe out the undead, all the while listening to the screams of the uninfected as they are brutally murdered.

2.  Kill the entire population as quickly and cleanly as possible, losing very few, if any, soldiers in the process and ensuring that none of the already condemned population suffers.  Why all?  Because people lie.  "No I didn't have any of the grain honest! BRAAAAINSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!"

When it's put like that, there really is only one option.  Unless you happen to be a particularly cruel person who enjoys the suffering of others.

I do agree that this was the turning point in Arthas' life, where he started his descent into madness and fell under the sway of the Lich King.  But I disagree emphatically that the decision to murder the residents of Stratholme in their beds was the first step in that descent.  This was a rational, sensible, kind decision.  The first step into his insanity was not made by him.  It was made by Uther the Traitor.

Yes, traitor.

This man not only refused to make the correct decision, but he refused to take the orders that anybody with even an iota of intelligence would have gratefully accepted.  During war, any act that deliberately helps the enemy is an act of treason.  And treason is punishable by death.  Even now, in this modern age.  By all rights, Arthas should have executed him on the spot.

I'm not sure why he didn't.  Perhaps because he entertained a large amount of affection and reverence for the man who had mentored him for so many years but I think it more likely that he had made enough hard decisions for one day and that he thought could trust his father to do the right thing.  How wrong he was.

The second step down his path of madness was made by Jaina.  She was his friend and they had, in the past, considered marriage.  She turned her back on him when he needed her the most.  I can tell you from experience how it feels when the worst thing that you could possibly imagine happens to you and everyone turns their back on you.  On that day, you find out who your true friends are.  And it's more than enough to drive you insane when you find that, instead of the ten or so you think it is, it's only two.  How much worse it must feel to find that you have none.

The third step, of course, was Arthas' decision to go to Northrend in order to chase after Mal'ganis.  The combination of the loss of the people he was closest to and having to order the deaths of thousands of the people he cared more about than his own life was enough to send him into a psychotic, vengeful rage with the dreadlord that persisted even into his undeath.  This is remarkable, as all other feelings, including the love of his people, abandoned him after his transformation into a Death Knight.

The final blow to his sanity was delivered by a messenger from his father in Northrend.  He discovered that the man he trusted most, the man he had believed to be a good and strong leader, had not executed the traitorous Uther and he was now ordered home like a truculent child to be disciplined for his actions.

Do I think that if they had both stayed and supported his decision he wouldn't have become the Lich King?  Do I think that his father's support would have prevented this?  No, I don't.  The path was planned out too carefully.  Perhaps the Lich King knew of the weakness in his closest friends and father, perhaps it was just an unexpected bonus and cut out a few steps on the path to madness.  Either way, it certainly gave the Lich King an opening.  The whispers began and the end drew near...

Do I believe that the fall of Lordaeron was a foregone conclusion given that Arthas was always destined to become the Lich King?  No.

I believe Lordaeron fell because Terenas was a bad king.  In peacetime, his land flourished and he governed kindly and wisely.  Faced with war from within, he showed weakness, an unwillingness to make the hard decisions required from a ruler during wartime.  A sacrifice of a few to save many is a brutal choice to have to make and Terenas Menethil just wasn't up to it.

His policy was to support Uther's decision - let entire cities be turned and then fight them.  This policy caused Lordaeron to be overrun by the undead in short order, the soldiers finding themselves outnumbered and fighting against the rotting husks of their loved ones.  Had he made the hard decision the country's population at the end of the war would have been much higher overall, since there would have been less undead for the living to fight.  Perhaps not enough to fill more than the city of Lordaeron and a few surrounding villages in Tirisfal Glades, but certainly enough to rebuild.

Uther's treachery remains unexplained.  Perhaps he had fallen victim to the "maddening whispers" that the elves knew lay in wait in Tirisfal.  Perhaps he was an agent of the Burning Legion or the Lich King.  Perhaps he was just a very, very stupid man.

How did Terenas Menethil devolve from a strong wartime leader in the Second War into an ineffectual twit?  Perhaps senility set in, perhaps Uther was drugging or poisoning him, perhaps he too fell to the whispers from beneath his home...

The story of Lordaeron is truly a sad one, but I believe the blame has too long rested on the wrong man's shoulders.

Thrall

When did Blizzard decide that what their fantasy online game where you fight dragons, gods, demons and monsters really needed was more girly stuff?  This is a dreadful trend.  Just dreadful.

Fortunately, I play Horde and was therefore not subjected to the embarrassing display that Jaina made of herself in Halls of Reflection on a daily basis for roughly a year like the Alliance were.  As low as my opinion of anyone who chooses to play Alliance is, I don't think that forcing them to put up with this for that long was very kind at all.

In the same patch was the Deathbringer Saurfang event, where our very own hero, Varok Saurfang faced a heartwrenching moment in which the reanimated body of his dead son tried to kill him (Horde version) and where, once again, Jaina made a spectacle of herself (Alliance version).

And now... now we get this utterly dreadful quest chain which starts off epically with Thrall getting ripped to pieces and sent in bits to the Elemental Planes but quickly dissolves into a silly love story with Aggra chasing him around said planes and finding that each elemental plane represents a part of his soul (Doubt, Desire, Patience, Anger) and pulling him out of the various emotions with Love...  It sounds like the plot of a Barbie movie.  Except going into it you're expecting to fight monsters, not a surfeit of pink and soppy sentiments.

Suddenly, all of our heroes and leaders are being destroyed by Blizzard.  It started off insidiously, with Thrall looking more and more like an ineffectual twat as he drags Garrosh around with him in Northrend, helplessly standing by as he shatters the fragile peace between the Horde and the Alliance.  According to the books, Thrall doesn't even like the guy.  So why take him everywhere?  Especially when the mouthbreathing moron does his best to wreck everything you've spent the last 15 years building...

Next up was giving Jaina Proudmoore a complete and utter mental breakdown during Icecrown Citadel.  The same Jaina who ordered the death of her own father to protect the peace she was building with the Horde.  Suddenly she's in hysterics over having to kill a guy she went on a few dates with?  And over someone allowing a man to take his child's body home for burial?

Then Cata rolls around and suddenly Thrall puts this same mouthbreather in charge of the Horde while he's gone?!  And Sylvanas has booked a one-way ride on the Crazy Express, gone past Crazy Town, straight through Lunacyville, over Maniacal Mountains, through Barmy Bog and I think found a whole new area of sanity (Rational Reaches?  Lucid Lake?) and passed through that into Psycho Point.  Seems like that's only an overnight stop though.  There are definite signs that she's intending to continue her journey.  Future raid boss maybe?  Hell, we killed Illidan when he was barely in the foothills of Maniacal Mountains...

Firelands!

Woo Firelands today!  Ok gonna go play now BYE!

Finding a new guild

There are a lot of threads out there telling people how to apply to a guild but, as far as I can tell, very few of them come from the point of view of the recruitment officer.  So I thought I'd throw in my 2cents.

Step 1:

Find out what your current guild's reputation is.

Wait, what?  Why would this affect me?  I'm leaving.  Well, it makes a huge difference.  If your current guild has a reputation for being bad or douchebags, you will have to work to convince the guild you're applying to that you're not one of those people.  Nobody wants That Guy, and some guilds have a reputation for being That Guy storehouses.

For example, we could have bled a certain similarly progressed guild of at least half their members but the contact I got from them was, on average, less "I can't stand these people" and more "You should be grateful I'm even considering you, you worthless sack of dung. I expect to be made guild leader right away."  People from that guild automatically get a black mark against them and I'm wary of considering them no matter how good their experience is.  A single incorrect gem or enchant is enough for me to turn them away.

On the other hand, there are certain guilds that have a very good reputation where I'm willing to overlook a lot to get my grubby little paws on one of their members (We have at least one person who is capable of playing the applicant's class/spec extremely well and can teach them).  After making sure that they really want to leave of course.

Step 2:

Find a non-officer to chat to.

The easiest way to do this is armoury the guild and pick someone from the highest populated rank.  This will usually mean an alt or a member raider (depending on whether or not the guild allows alts).  If you've found an officer, move on.  A guild with more officers than members is bad news.

When you've found someone suitable, ensure that they're not in an instance and whisper them politely to ask if you can have a minute of their time to chat about their guild as you're thinking of applying.  Be patient.  Wait 5 minutes and then try again if you don't get a response in that time.  If they don't respond on your third attempt, try someone else.  If you don't get any responses, even to try redirect you to an officer, then bear in mind that the guild atmosphere is probably very unfriendly to new people.

When you do get someone to chat to, ask how long they've been in guild, what raid atmosphere is like, what guild atmosphere is like, how drama is dealt with, if the officers are nice, etc.  Don't ask any "officer" questions (what loot system do you have, what are the raid times, what consumables are provided, what am I expected to bring etc).  See if you can start up a nice, fun chat with the person.  If they're new, ask them to direct you to a long-time resident of the guild.

Step 3:

Go to the guild website and look around.

Read everything you have access to without signing up.  There should be a progress report, a set of guild rules, an application form and, if you're lucky, all applications will be public.

Look at the progress stuff first.  If there are kill vids, watch them all.  This will give you a good sense of raid atmosphere and the people in the guild.

Read the rules head to toe.  Make a note of anything unusual.  One guild that I've looked at had "Your favourite flavour of jellybean is Crazy Confetti.  Make a note of this, it will be important later." stuffed randomly into their guild rules.  I giggled and moved on to their application form and there, right at the end, was the question I was expecting:  "What is your favourite flavour of jellybean?"

Read recent applications.  Look at the experience that the applicants have and the reasons for a decline or accept.  Look at their WotLK experience as well as their current experience.  Check the dates on their achievements.  If you have the same or less experience than someone who was declined on account of lack of experience then don't waste your time or theirs applying unless you've had a direct invitation to apply from an officer (this does not mean "I whispered them after they posted their ad in trade and they said go apply", this means "I ran in their alt run as a pug and someone asked if I'd be interested in joining them and gave me the website address").

Step 4:

Decide whether or not this guild sounds like a place you would like to be.

Throw progress and moving up in the ranks and so on out of the window.  Pretend you are joining a social guild and intend to stay there for life.  Is this the place that you want to be for the rest of your life?  What are the odds of you staying for longer than a month? 3 months? 6 months?  Will you be able to deal with these people for 100% of your leisure time for months on end?

The most important thing here is to be honest with yourself.  Don't just say "Yes I want to be in this guild" and ignore the warning flags your brain has raised.  If a top progression guild seems like a godawfully miserable place to be, then rather find a less progressed guild where you'll enjoy yourself.  A reputation for guild hopping follows you to different realms.  A lot of guilds look for references from officers of previous guilds while considering your app.

Step 5:

Check yourself.

Make sure your spec is good.  If you don't have a cookie cutter build or you have odd talent or glyph choices, make sure they're good and you have solid reasoning behind them.  Make sure every single item of gear you have is gemmed and enchanted with the best enchant that's available to you.  A reasonable officer won't be upset if you have haste on blue wrists instead of the expensive Intellect/Agility/Strength maelstrom enchant, but don't count on the person looking at your app being reasonable.  Make sure to log out in the spec and correct gear for that spec on every single logout until you get a response to your app.  Don't equip any new gear even if you log out for less than a minute to go make the enchant and gems on your alt.  Assume that luck will not favour you and that less than a minute between armoury updates will be the exact time the recruitment officer looks at your toon.

Step 6:

Make an application.

This might sound strange but, don't use the application template as an actual template.  It will make your application stand out from the rest.  The minute I see an app which isn't a direct copy-paste with answers in place of the bracketed info I sit up and pay real attention.  Everytime I have to decline an app like this a piece of my soul dies.  Fortunately, it's extremely rare that someone who makes that much effort over an app is below our requirements (only 1 so far thank goodness).

Write up your application in a separate place, Word, Notepad, Wordpad, whatever and make sure to hit save occasionally (your av deciding to reboot for you when you're just about to hit Submit is soul-crushing).  When you're finished your application, check the time.  If you spent less than 2 hours writing your app, you did it wrong.  Go back and flesh out your responses.

Make sure that you answer every question that is asked, even if you think that they're stupid.  Don't look for a right answer because there isn't one.  Just give an honest one.  Try make your answer to silly or personality questions original and interesting.  If I had a penny for every time I've seen "downing a hard boss" in answer to "What's your most rewarding WoW experience?" I'd have... well 20p, because we've only had 20 apps since we added that question.  Be specific.  Which boss?  Be descriptive.  Outline the back story and colour in the frustration and the magic of everything coming together and just working the way it sometimes does.  Make a joke out of it.  Something.  Anything!  Just be different.

Add logs to your app, even if they're not asked for.  Even if you're a tank.  I want to see how much avoidable damage you take, use of survival cooldowns, pot usage, damage done, healing done...  The works.  And don't just give that one set of logs where you were top of the damage/healing meter either.  Link a set of logs where you did farm content and one where you did progress content.  I want to see how comfortable and reliable you are in progression content as well as how high you can push those numbers in content you're familiar with.

Step 7:

Wait.

This is the hardest part.  Some guilds aren't rigorous about looking at their forums.  Don't expect to be contacted in-game.  Assume that the response to your application will be on forums.  Wait a week for a response on forums before whispering anyone in the guild requesting a response.  If a week goes by without a response and you do end up having to whisper someone, try make sure it's an officer (armoury is your friend here again - whisper someone in the top 3 guild ranks for preference) and be polite.  "I'm terribly sorry to bother you, I made an application on your guild forums about a week ago and I was wondering what the average response time is."  The same rules of "not in an instance or raid" apply here.  If you bug me while I'm fighting Omnotron I'm NOT going to answer you.  Unless you immediately apologise for disturbing me and say you'll contact me after the raid.  Don't ask me what time that is - you should know already, having been on the forums to apply.

Step 8:

Don't argue with the person who responds to your post.

Yes, even if they're stupid.  If you're asked about talent, glyph, reforge and gear choices, don't be confrontational.  Give reasons why you have those talents.  If you have any awkward talents like Body and Soul which can cause clashes with a Discipline priest, show that you're aware of potential clashes and explain the utility that you can provide with Body and Soul.  If they ask a question that you can't find a reasonable answer to, go respec/gem/enchant/glyph and respond saying "You made an excellent point and brought something to my attention that I can't believe I missed.  My sincerest apologies for making you think I am an idiot.  Please give me another chance to prove that I'm not."  Ok, you don't have to be a sycophant, but do acknowledge any errors on your part and fix them as soon as possible.

Step 9:

Your trial.

But wait, I'm already in the guild.  This isn't part of the application process, is it?  Yes, actually.  It is.  You're still not a member of the guild, you're just being allowed to run errands for the cool kids for a bit to see if you're cool enough to hang with them.

Stay quiet until you've made some friends and are comfortable with the guild atmosphere.  Don't establish your presence right off the bat.  Don't speak unless spoken to.  If a fun, nonsense conversation is going on, join in.  Contradictory?  Not really.  Getting a feel for guild atmosphere is good, making yourself the guy that never speaks to anyone is bad.

If you're assigned a go-to person regarding your class, contact them immediately and ask if they have any suggestions for you.  Ask reasons if you don't understand and act on their advice immediately if they have good reasons.

Read the rest of forums.  Especially any strats that are up.  Read the entirety of the strat thread.  There might be a crucial change on page 10 to the main strat posted on page 1.  If the strat thread has no answers, contact your officer and ask about those strats.  Just because the fight was so easy that it was done on the first day doesn't mean there weren't strat changes on that first day, it just means that nobody bothered to update it.

Be helpful.  If someone wants a boost, offer to help when you're done with whatever you're doing now.  Don't feel obliged to drop what you're doing to help them.  Apologise if you're unable to, eg if you're just running your daily random quickly and afterwards you have to log off to make supper and offer to help them another time.  If someone asks for people for a heroic, offer your assistance.  Obviously don't put yourself out too much, but be as helpful and friendly as you can be within your time constraints.

Be kind and polite to everyone.  You never know when that social member you're being slightly condescending to is actually a long-standing member who is currently on a hiatus due to irl issues and will be back his officer spot by the time your trial comes up for promotion/kick.  Or the guild leader's girlfriend.  Or one of the longstanding raiders' best friend.  You have been warned.

How to convince a guild that they want you even though your experience is dismal:

Find out who the recruitment officer is and speak to them.

Be friendly and polite and a little (not too much) grovelly.  Say that you know that your experience is below what they would normally accept and that you're afraid to apply because you're positive that you'll be rejected and ask if there is any way at all that they could maybe possibly give you a trial run in their alt run or something.  Make sure that your gear is gemmed and enchanted perfectly and up-to-date with the best website that there is for your class (usually EJ).  Don't be rude or abusive if they say no.  Thank them for their time and say that you'll go and get some experience and get back to them.

The odds of you being given a trial run is tiny.  Don't run away with the idea that this is a surefire method of getting in with minimal experience.  It's a maybe only.  And you still have to perform to the quality of their main run as well as be universally liked in the trial run if you get it.  Being as good as our alts won't get you spot even if I do let you in.  Being better than our alts will give you a good chance.  Being as good as or better than our mains will guarantee that your app will be accepted, even if this is your first toon and you've never raided before.

How Not to do it:

1.  Try and get out of making a forum app.  Act insulted that they are too lazy to inspect you in-game or armoury you.

2.  Pick a member of the raid team and critique them in your app, explaining why you're a much better choice than my 25k dps hunter who does everything (I mean everything, gongs on Atra, parasites on Magmaw, freeing drakes on Halfus, adds on Cho'gall - you name the dps responsibility beyond "hit the boss until it dies", he does it), was a founding member of the guild 3.5 years ago and has been my guild leader's best friend for 20 years and how you should replace him.

3.  Make sure to let the recruiting officer know how grateful he should be that you've condescended to consider boosting them even though they're far below your capabilities.  They might be unaware of this otherwise.

4.  Demand a spot in the main raid team immediately.

5.  Demand that a secondary group is started if told that they're not taking apps at the time.

6.  Say that you got kicked out of your last guild because they were *^#*&@^# retards and list all the reasons why they were *^#&@)(@$ retards.  Use every swear word you know at least 3 times.

7.  Say that you think the guild rules are stupid.  Provide a list of stupidities in the guild rules and make your reasoning as flawed as possible.  eg, "teh rool wut sez ur not aloud 2 ninja stuf r DUM cos i r beta then teh n00bz wut r in teh grp n i desreve teh stuf 2 seel moar then wut tey r dserev 2 were".

8.  If all else fails, be as obnoxious and unpleasant to everyone you come into contact with from said guild.

Losing it

I have Bipolar Disorder, Type II to be precise.  I'm supposed to be taking Lithium Carbonate (450mg) daily and I have a Fluoxetine prescription as well - not to be taken daily but there for particularly bad depressive episodes.  I also sporadically have prescriptions for sleeping tablets when the insomnia I've suffered from for the last 12 years gets unmanagable and tranquilisers so strong you could literally knock out a horse with them for the minor breakdowns I experience due to rapid cycling.

Literally my only memory of feeling "normal" is from the first month of the Lithium prescription.  After that I stopped taking it as it was affecting my problem-solving capability, which is Death when you solve problems for a living.  Now I only take it when I've undergone a week or more of rapid cycling.

About that "feeling normal" thing.  It's weird as hell.  Feeling stable is the creepiest thing I've ever experienced.  Strangely, I did NOT like it.  Not even a tiny bit.  It felt like a nervous breakdown in reverse.

The following is not a scientific breakdown of the types of episodes that come with Bipolar Disorder, it's an emotional one.

Clang associations:

Usually associated with a manic state, these can strike at any time.  Basically it's rhyming words.  A good example from my own life is driving past a girl who parked badly and suddenly starting to talk about hunting.  How did I get there?  Well, my mom calls people (men and women) "bimbo" so it's a bit of a habit of mine too.  And "bimbo" sounds like "Bambi" who is a deer and I was hungry ok?

Play word association with someone in a manic state sometime.  You'll never be more confused in your life.  When you're manic, your mind moves at ridiculous speeds, so someone saying "shoe" will make you think "moo", "cow", "meow" and by the time it gets to your mouth it will be "persian".

Manic episodes:

FUN!  They feel great.  Amazing!  You can conquer the world, you're stronger, smarter and more attractive than everyone around you.  It's a lot like being drunk except you won't get arrested if you drive and you don't feel nearly as confused.  It sounds exactly the way I've heard a cocaine-high described.

It sounds great, doesn't it?  Come back and read this again after you've looked at what a Depressive Episode feels like.  I personally LOVE manic episodes.  They're awesome.  But they're also very, very dangerous.  That feeling of invincibility will get you run over by a bus.  Or have you jump off a roof because "I can do anything!  Even fly!"

Grumpy-manic episodes:

Everything is The Most Irritating Thing In The Whole World.  Everyone is The Most Irritating Person That Ever Lived.  This is a good source for that lovely unreasonable behaviour that is so cliched from women on their periods.  Add in a menstrual cycle and you can get the most random and arbitrary irritations.  I've crapped out The Man more than once for "Do you have to chew so loudly?  You're going to wake up the neighbours!" as well as "Are you ill or something?  Is your nose blocked?  Or are you breathing like that just to annoy me?  Because it's working.".  He just looks at me until I get fed up and go away, then waits patiently for me to apologise.  He's very patient.

Depressive episodes:

Imagine you get the news that your Significant Other, your favourite pet, both your parents and your best friend have all died.  Add a healthy helping of "I got fired" and a sprinkling of eviction notice.  Now double it.  Welcome to a depressive episode.

Some days, for no reason at all, I will wake up feeling like this.  It can last for months.  My personal record is 18months.  It's paralysing.  I mean that literally.  Some days I will be utterly unable to move or think for hours on end.  Imagine being so miserable that all you can think about is killing yourself but literally not having the energy to do it.  You could have a loaded gun 2 feet away from you and be physically incapable of picking it up, no matter how desparately you want to.  The good days are the ones where you're able to cry.

Psychotic episodes:

Yes.  Not pleasant.  Can be as mild as vague auditory hallucinations (my own experiences have mostly been hearing people talk as though they're just outside the room I'm in) and as severe as trying (or, heaven help you, succeeding) to kill someone.  Fortunately, these are rare for me.  And I have friends I'm comfortable enough with to ask for help before I do anything stupid.

Amnesia:

You know when you go out and get so drunk that you lose a part of the night?  That.  But without the drinking.  It's usually coupled with manic episodes, but personal experience shows that during a depressive episode experiences from manic episodes are blank or fuzzy and experiences from depressive episodes are crystal clear and during a manic episode experiences from depressive episodes are blank and fuzzy while experiences from other manic episodes are crystal clear.

Rapid cycling:

Swinging from manic to depressive to grumpy-manic and back again.  In the space of about 5 minutes.  These can last for weeks.  Even an hour of rapid cycling is unpleasant in the extreme.  Two weeks of it could break anyone.

Hypersexuality:

Also known as nymphomania.  I'm convinced that at least half the guys I've dated have only put up with my crap because of this.

Ground state:

Miserable.  I wake up nearly every day of my life disappointed that I didn't die in my sleep.  The light at the end of the tunnel is always a train.  Every day is an exercise in misery and hurt.  Everything that can go wrong, will.  Everyone who's nice to you is only nice to you because they want something.  Every time you ask someone to help you, you wind up losing a friend.

Those last two aren't always true - hell with the friends I have it's never true - but it certainly feels like it is.  My big mistake here is going to people who I don't know very well but turned to me for help before and that I've helped.  I've learnt this lesson now.  Now I turn to people I know I can trust.

Social interactions:

These are... problematic.  A certain amount of crazy is accepted if you preface every social interaction with "Hi my name is [name] and I have bipolar disorder."  From the people who don't go "Er... Hi.... Um... Oh look someone over there is calling me BYE" anyway.  Even so, only a certain amount of crazy is permissable.  And let me tell you, that never extends to randomly bursting into tears on people.  Manic is acceptable to a point (taking your clothes off and dancing on the table only acceptable if you're hot), saying weird things is acceptable to a point, crying is never acceptable and neither is randomly turning around to the guy next to you and telling him he's the loudest chewer in the world and can he please SHUT UP ALREADY JEEZ.

Ok so you learn these basic rules and how to work around them, eg never going anywhere where there are people you don't know when you're having a depressive episode, making sure you have someone with you who can physically prevent you from doing something stupid if you're manic, avoiding all contact with everyone when you're grumpy-manic and above all learning how to contain the painful emotions ripping around inside you whenever anyone else is around.

Unfortunately, this makes me very nervous when I'm in a new or unfamiliar situation.  Which makes me awkward.  Which means that I offend people because I'm trying so hard not to.  This in turn makes me assume that everyone hates me, which leads to me panicking that I've offended someone because I ping them on msn and they don't answer for 20 minutes.  I'm 98% sure I've lost at least one friendship because of me repeating "I'm sorry - what did I do wrong so I know not to do it again?  Please don't ignore me." ad nauseum.

I find it unbelievably difficult to trust anyone because of how people react to my moods.  Even when they say they understand, they don't.  And very few people will be willing to deal with the mood swings inherent to Bipolar Disorder for long periods.  This means that, in general, you have to keep the facade up around your friends until you're comfortable enough to let the crazy start seeping out.  Even then, it has to be small bits at a time.  You can't just wait 6 months, then make them babysit you when you're manic and have a giant crying fit on them in one afternoon.

Then, of course, there's my own unusual upbringing to take into account.  I've been brought up with such old fashioned manners that I consider most of my parents' contemporaries to be rude.  I tend to retreat into big words and immaculate grammar when I'm angry (the angrier I am, the bigger the words - hint: 4+syllables means you're in seriously hot water), which lends me a "snooty" air.  I love learning things so people who have knowledge in an area I don't tend to come away from a conversation with me feeling like they're leaving an interrogation.  Most of the people in my life are the same so people who make uninformed or ignorant statements tend to feel like they're in a lecture.  For a nice added touch, a friend of mine from high school trained me to interrupt him and correct his grammar while he was talking because he wasn't a native English speaker and didn't want to sound stupid.  I'm aware this is extremely rude but we spent so much time together over the years that I don't even do it consciously.  I tend towards bluntness, which makes me abrasive.  It turns out that most people don't actually want a friend who will say "Yes, that dress makes you look like an elephant.  A clown elephant.  Can I fix your make-up for you?  Please?" no matter how much they say they do...

Quite possibly the worst part is the tendency to abusive relationships.  Why?  Because I hate myself so much that no nice person could possibly deserve such a horrible fate as to have me inflicted on them as a friend or lover.  I've had numerous "friends" who I've helped time after time who've abandoned me the minute I've asked for their help.  My husband woke me up with a knife and raped me when I eventually got up the courage to tell him to get out by the end of the week.

Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train, it's an angel.

As bleak as the picture I paint may seem, I have good friends.  I don't know how I managed to stumble on them but I can't even begin to describe to you how important they are to me.  It has always been my policy with this blog never to use real or in-game names for anyone, but here I feel that it's necessary.

Dave, Jack, Connor, Penny, Malik and Alex.  I owe you guys my life and what little there is of my sanity.  I don't think any of you realise just how important you are to me and how much strength and hope you've given me.  The number of times you've made my world a better place to live in just by answering an sms, calling and saying hi just because you felt like it, dropping a message on my facebook wall and any number of random, everyday things that people don't even really think about isn't one I think any of you would believe.

And, of course, The Man.  Jason.  I don't even know where to begin.  You know how to bring me down gently from a manic episode.  You've brought my ground state up higher than it's ever been before.  Sometimes I even wake up smiling because you're next to me.  You always have the right words and tone to make me realise when I'm being unreasonable.  You recognise when that's not enough to snap me out of a grumpy-manic episode instantly and take the kids and entertain them until the words register properly.  You go out of your way to make me happy when I'm miserable.  The best part?  You know when to do all these things without me having to ask, sometimes before even I notice that I'm leaning slightly towards an episode.  You're an amazing father and extremely patient both with me and my children.  There aren't words in any language to say how much I love you and how much you mean to me.  Thank you.

Profession bonuses - one or two?

My guild leader is a strange man.  He racechanges to Tauren for 5000 extra hit points (he's a tank) and flat out told me to turn away any tank applicants with Tailoring, but refuses to even suggest to the raid group that they should have 2 professions with useful bonuses, saying gathering professions are just fine.  "But obviously any tank with Tailoring is dreadful!" you say.  But what if said tank has Enchanting as his other profession?  Enchanting is easiest to level with Tailoring, so couldn't you consider Tailoring then to be his "gathering" profession?

Now don't get me wrong - I don't insist that everyone have Jewelcrafting and either Tailoring (casters), Engineering (caster and melee dps) or Blacksmithing (dps and tanks).  But it really is so easy to have 2 professions that give useful bonuses.  I realise that the average benefit is equivalent to 80 of your favourite stat and how often does an extra 80 strength/agility/intellect or 120 stamina on one toon make the difference between a wipe and a kill?  Well, I guess the answer to that is how many 1% enrage wipes have you had?  How many times have you wiped at 1% because your last healer went oom and had no mana cooldowns left?  How many times has your tank died from a 1500 overkill hit?

And it's not like there aren't useful gathering professions out there.  Mining is acceptable for tank, Herbalism is great for most caster dps and even Skinning is nice for some classes (although let's be honest this would be what? Fire Mage?).  But quite frankly, Mining on a dps toon is just lazy.  Level a damned alt for mining (DKs are cheap and easy and if your main is a DK then you have a lvl55 already get levelling you horrible slacker) and get, well, anything else at all.

What about people who are designated offspeccers?  Should our tank with a healing offspec have Mining?  To me this is a bit of a grey area, but I will say here that if it were me I would get 2 professions that are useful to both of my specs.

Racial Abilties - how good are they?

I know it's been along time since I posted and I sincerely apologise to my loyal fans (Hi Mom!  Ok maybe just the one but I can hope right?).

Today I will be looking at racial bonuses, with the obvious slant towards priests that will be standard in all my posts (unless I fall in love with my Elemental Shaman again).

Racial Bonuses:

Horde:
Tauren:
Cultivation - fairly useful if you intend for your priest to farm herbs constantly, in which case you should've levelled a Tauren Druid (no landing = less mob fighting).  Not very useful for anything else.
Endurance - a little bit of extra survival.
Nature Resistance - a reasonable extra bit of survival, but extremely situational.
War Stomp - fairly useful in PvP and situationally useful in PvE.
All in all, I'd say if you choose Tauren for your priest you're insane or a PvPer (same thing) or going for the Classy Tauren guild achievement.

Undead:
Cannibalize - Very nice for questing, situationally useful in PvE and more so in PvP.
Shadow Resistance - a reasonable bit of extra survival, but extremely situational.
Underwater Breathing - once upon a time a nice-to-have, but since the holding-your-breath-underwater time has been extended from 45s to 3min, much less amazing.
Will of the Forsaken - a handy PvP racial, but has a 45s shared cooldown with PvP trinkets.
A good race to pick for levelling or if your focus is PvP, but not great for PvE.

Goblin:
Best Deals Anywhere - exalted faction discount on all vendors, even if they don't have a faction.  Useless in PvE and PvP both, but not a bad little side bonus.
Better Living Through Chemistry - Get to your profession bonus faster!  But only if you choose Alchemy.
Pack Hobgoblin - very nice for questing if you have a tendency to accidentally shove quest items in your bank and then go try hand in, or if you forgot an item of gear that you need in the bank like a moron.  I've never done either of these.  I also never lie.
Rocket Barrage - a nice little bit of extra damage that scales with spell power.
Rocket Jump - very nice in PvP and situationally useful in PvE.
Time is Money - 1% haste.  Very yummy for PvE, healing and dps alike.
A good race to pick if you're a scrooge with your gold, very nice for dps and pretty good for healing.

Troll:
Beast Slaying - situationally useful in PvP (works against hunter pets, druids in cat, bear, travel, flight and aquatic forms and shamans in ghost wolf) and PvE.  Very nice when it's useful, very useless when it's not.
Berserking - without a doubt, the best dps racial in the game.  Applies as a haste buff to DoTs, (apparently) stacks with Power Infusion and and is off the gcd, allowing you to macro it into all your abilities.  Mini-bl every 3min...  A nice boost to healing in an emergency as well (macro into your tank cooldown for maximum effect)  The buff you get has no type, so it can't be dispelled, purged or spell-stolen, so it's great for PvP as well.  I can't even begin to describe how amazing this racial is.
Bow Specialisation - erm... I'm not sure if I could find a less useful racial ability.  I don't even think hunters would disagree with me unless their BiS is a bow and they happen to have it.
Da Voodoo Shuffle - situationally useful in PvE and PvP.
Regeneration - a little bit of extra survival that scales with your spirit.  Better for healers than dps as dps have a limited amount of spirit they go for.
Throwing Specialisation - ok I admit.  I was wrong.  There IS a more useless racial than Bow Specialisation.  Good for precisely one Rogue ability requiring a thrown weapon to be equipped.
Definitely the best race to go with for PvE dps, not a bad choice for PvE healing and not a bad choice for PvP.

Blood Elf:
Arcane Affinity - Get to your profession bonus faster!  But only if you choose Enchanting.
Arcane Resistance - a reasonable bit of extra survival, but very situational.
Arcane Torrent - in our last raid I used this spell 31 times over 10 boss kills and a few wipes for a total return of 241,314 mana.  And I don't use it on cooldown.  If that's not enough to convince you that this is the very best heal racial ever, then nothing is.
Definitely the only sensible race to choose for healing.  No contest.

Alliance:
Dwarf:
Explorer - if you spend as much time doing archaeology as I do, you'll love this.  Not very useful for PvE or PvP though.
Frost Resistance - a reasonable bit of extra survival, but very situational.
Gun Specialisation - see Bow Specialisation above.
Mace Specialisation - a reasonable dps boost for melee classes if they can get a mace (or 2 for dual wielders).  Not very useful for priests unless you fancy yourself a melee priest (Hint:  stop playing WoW.  You're just embarassing yourself and everyone around you).
Stoneform - an amazing survival cooldown, but only really worthwhile for a tank.
Not great for anything really.  I wouldn't bother unless I wanted a toon specifically to do all my archaeology (most people use, you know, their MAIN for this, but whatever) or for the Classy Dwarves guild achievement.

Draenei:
Gemcutting - Get to your profession bonus faster!  But only if you choose Jewelcrafting.
Gift of the Naaru - a HoT.  On 3min cooldown.  Woo?  Actually, it's not so bad for PvP - no spell type means no dispell or spellsteal.
Heroic Presence - very nice dps racial, I haven't done the numbers (ew dps) but it seems entirely likely this is a better dps racial than Berserking.
Shadow Resistance - a reasonable extra bit of survival, but very situational.
I wouldn't bother except for Classy Draenei.

Night Elf:
Nature Resistance - a reasonable extra bit of survival, but very situational.  If this is a dealbreaker for you, rather go Tauren (Lok'tar O'gar! For the Horde!  I'm not biased honest).
Quickness - a bit of extra survival for PvP, not overly useful for PvE unless you're a tank.
Shadowmeld - an extra Fade, albeit on a longer cooldown.  Very nice for dps and for irritating the hell out of people in PvP by cancelling their casts.
Wisp Spirit - nice for wipes, and with Leap of Faith in case anyone uses a live speed boost to beat you back.
All in all, not terrible for PvE dps or PvP.

Worgen:
Aberration - best resistance racial in the game, but still only situational.
Darkflight - a good PvP racial, and situationally useful in PvE.
Enable Worgen Altered Form - purely cosmetic.
Flayer - Woo skinning?
Running Wild - Worgen mount?  Lol Blizzard hates Alliance.
Two Forms - purely cosmetic.
Viciousness - 1% crit.  Not bad, but not very good either.  Unless you're a fire mage.  Fire mages love them some crit.
Not really that great, but not overly dreadful either.  Not my first choice for anything except to see the Worgen starting areas (They're amazing.  Really, really, really incredible.).

Human:
Diplomacy - nice for repping up, but not very useful overall.  It doesn't take very long to max out useful reps and if you're going to go grind Brood of Nozdormu or Hydraxian Waterlords, this won't even make it very much more bearable anyway.
Every Man for Himself - racial PvP trinket, shares a cooldown with PvP trinkets.  Very nice for PvP as you don't need to bother with a trinket of the same effect.  Situationally useful in PvE.
Mace Specialisation - nice for melee dps, assuming they can get hold of a mace (two for dual wield).
Sword Specialisation - nice for melee dps, assuming they can get hold of a sword (two for dual wield).
The Human Spirit - very nice heal and dps racial, more regen for healers and less spirit required on gear to reach hitcap for dps, meaning that you can go for more throughput stats.
If you have to play Alliance (shame), this is definitely one of your top 2 choices forhealing, dps and the best PvP.

Gnome:
Arcane Resistance - a reasonable bit of extra survival, but very situational.  If this is a dealbreaker for you, rather go Blood Elf (Lok'tar O'gar!  Again, totally not biased.).
Engineering Specialisation - Get to your profession bonus faster!  But only if you choose Engineering.
Escape Artist - very useful for PvP and situationally useful in PvE.
Expansive Mind - very nice for healing, an extra 5% mana is an extra 5% replenish, as well as an extra 5% starting mana.
Shortblade Specialisation - nice for the dual-wield classes, not great for priests.
Pretty good for healing if you have to play Alliance.

The difference between a bad tank and a new healer

A few weeks ago I spoke about our ex-guild leader and the drama surrounding his quitting WoW and now I'd like to talk about the changes we've made in our line-up and the difference it's made to our raiding overall.

First up, we'd found us 2 new healer subs but tanks were still few and far between.  So we decided to switch up between the subs and have our holy paladin go prot.  This was a severe blow to the heal team, as he is easily the best healer our raid team has ever seen and neither of the subs were anywhere near his level.  Neither of them were even as good as the resto druid or myself and I was very worried that the buff to our tanking team might not make up for the loss on the healing team.  Sometimes, it's good to be wrong.

Last week's raids were amazing.  On Wednesday, we cleared out BoT and managed to get Chimaeron AND Maloriak heroic down, leaving us only Throne, Atramedes (which we planned as our next heroic boss) and Nefarian.  On Sunday, we had to end an hour early and so didn't have enough time to get Atramedes down, but we managed 30% and came out of the raid fully confident that we'd get him this week.  Sadly, Nef was plagued by a slew of dcs, one try having an interrupter dc during phase 2 (eep!), others having our new holy paladin dc (the main telecomms line into his country was cut, pushing him from 200ms average to well over 800 for 2 weeks :S) and eventually we decided enough was enough.  Our early leaver had already left and 9manning Nef with dcs wasn't as much fun as it had sounded when we'd decided to do it.

Last night, we went to BWD first and holy [censored] it went well...  We one-shot Chimaeron heroic and then Maloriak heroic too!  In less than an hour!  Our logs show 3 unsuccessful tries on Maloriak, but we reset if we don't get a set of aberrations before the black phase.  Then we pootled off to BoT and cleared that out in about an hour and, 2 hours after raid start, we found ourselves on progression content once again.

An hour and a half later, we are 4/13 =D  And now on Sunday all we have left to clear are Throne of the Four Winds and Nefarian.  Given that we're going ot be doing the achievement for Nef, Sunday's raid will effectively be a 2 hour affair.

I'm shocked at how much difference it makes to a raid group to swap a bad tank for an inexperienced healer.  And even I am surprised at how much our ex-guild leader was tanking guild morale as a whole.  Our raids are happier, jokier and more fun than they've ever been, and clearly we're pushing more content faster.  At this rate, we should be (at least) 5/13 next week.  Keep up the good work guys =D

Maths! Trinket discussion

In this I'm going to cover all the trinkets from the lowest that I deem to be suitable to start raids with to the incredible Shard of Woe from Sinestra.  Let's all take a moment to wipe the drool from our chins from the thought of that trinket.

Who am I to decide what trinkets are suitable for raids?  I am the writer of this blog, that's who!  And also, I had the most unbelievably horrible luck with trinkets when I hit 85.  Despite doing at least a level and a half on my road from 80-85 via Archaeology, and spending most of my non-raid time doing Archaeology, I only got Tyrande's Favourite Doll on the 18th of March, I had to wait until the last few hours of Darkmoon Faire to get the last card for my Darkmoon Card: Tsunami and I only got Tear of Blood after we started raiding despite doing Stonecore everyday (I hate that instance so much now, you can't possibly understand.  I even have the damn mount from the second boss so I NEVER have to go back there again).  Because of these reasons, some of the trinkets that I deem to be raidworthy may be viewed as questionable - but hey, starting raids with Sea Star is better than an empty trinket slot.

Due to the variable nature of spirit regen with Intellect, I will be using the following numbers to calculate trinkets:

5000 int and 1500 spirit for blue trinkets.

5500 int and 2000 spirit for normal raid level trinkets (359).

6000 int and 2500 spirit for heroic raid trinkets(372+).

I have also given rough numbers only, based purely on the spirit or int present on the item.  These numbers should not be taken as canon, they are merely comparitive.

Please note that calculating the numbers based on your own intellect and spirit will be more accurate for you.  The formula is:

((0.001 + spi * sqrt{int} * 0.003345) * 5) /2

If you find any of my maths to be incorrect, please let me know so that I can correct my post.  You will be given full credit in the edit, I promise.

Blue trinkets

Sea Star:

200 spirit

765 spell power on use

I'm not much of a fan of on-use effects, especially on-use throughput effects.  An on-use regen effect is ok because you can macro it into your Arcane Torrent, but generally when an on-use throughput effect would be useful you're too busy healing to use it.  Still, 841 spell power (765 spell power with a +10% spell power buff) can come in handy.  The 200 spirit, however, is fairly useful, giving ~118mp5.

All in all, not the best trinket, and not one I would consider going into raids with if I had any other choice at all.  Drops from the last event of Throne of Tides normal.

Witching Hourglass:

200 intellect

918 haste proc

Proc effects are better than on-use effects in general, as they tend to be used more often.  Throughput procs are dodgy, especially for shields, so generally I'm wary of  them.  The fact that this is a haste proc makes it slightly better in my mind than a spell power, intellect or mastery proc, simply because it won't interfere with re-shielding targets.  The intellect on this makes it alright though, providing 252 int, 277 spell power, 3881 mana, 0.39% spell crit, 19mp5 from replenish, 272 mana from Rapture and ~177mp5 spirit regen.

Again, not something I would consider going into raids with if I had any other choice at all.  Drops from Ascendant Lord Obsidius in Blackrock Caverns normal.

Electrospark Heartstarter:

215 spirit

567 intellect on use (714.42)

Assuming that you use this on cooldown rather than save it "for emergencies" and then never use it like I tend to do, the intellect on this item is worth ~56mp5 from spirit and 6mp5 from replenish overall.  The proc works out to roughly 786 spell power for the 20 seconds of the buff.  The spirit will give you ~127mp5.

Yet again, not something to go into raids with if you can get your hands on anything else at all.  This is a pretty rare world drop item.

Rainsong:

215 spirit

1290 haste proc

~127mp5 from the spirit, with a nice haste proc for a little boost every now and again.

Not something to go into a raid with if  you have any other option.  This is a spam drop from trash in Vortex Pinnacle.

Tendrils of Burrowing Dark:

215 mastery

1290 spell power proc

This is a reasonable throughput trinket, the mastery is nice for shields and the proc gives 1419 spell power with raid buffs.  This drops from Ozruk in Stonecore normal.

Tear of Blood:

215 intellect

1290 spirit proc

Assuming that this procs once every 90seconds, the spirit proc is worth ~127mp5.  The intellect provides 271 int, 298 spell power, 4172 mana, 0.42% spell crit, 21mp5 from replenish, 292 mana from Rapture and ~184mp5 spirit regen with raid buffs.

Not a great trinket to start raids with, but definitely the best of the trinkets below ilvl346.  This drops from High Priestess Azil in Stonecore normal.

Talisman of the Sinister Order:

234 intellect

918 mastery

Mastery proc...  Only useful for shielding and self-defeating, as it interferes with re-shielding.  The intellect provides 281 int, 309 spell power, 4324 mana, 0.43% spell crit, 22mp5 from replenish, 303 mana from Rapture and 192mp5 from spirit regen with raid buffs.

Not fantastic, but definitely acceptable for raids.  Reward from a quest in Uldum - Firing Squad.

Gale of Shadows:

252 haste

300 spell power (Your healing and damage periodic spells grant 15 spell power each time they heal or deal damage.   Lasts 15 sec, stacking up to 20 times.)

This is a dreadful trinket for Discipline as the spell power stacks from hot ticks.  Even assuming that it's learnt how to proc from Glyph of Prayer of Healing ticks (it hadn't last time I used it) and you reforge the haste to spirit, it's only marginally better than an empty trinket slot.  And I might be wrong about that.  Don't use it.  Drops from Erudax in Grim Batol normal if you're thinking of taking it for Holy or Shadow.

Corrupted Egg Shell:

Use: Places Egg Shell on your current target, absorbing 4060 damage.  While Egg Shell persists, you will gain 420 mana every 5 sec.  When the effect is cancelled, you gain 5040 mana.  Lasts 30 sec. (2 Min Cooldown)

This is an interesting one, and what it's worth depends entirely on the fight, the point of the fight that you use it and who you use it on. Assuming you manage to find someone who won't take damage to put this up on, the total gain from this trinket is 7560 mana every 2 minutes, or roughly 315mp5.  In raids, however, it's very rare that 30 seconds will go by without anyone taking any damage.  Assuming an uptime of 10s, it's worth about 5880 mana every 2 minutes, or roughly 245mp5.  If it gets cancelled immediately, then it's worth 5040 mana every 2 minutes, or roughly 210mp5.

The lack of throughput, specifically intellect, on this trinket make it a disappointing choice for Discipline.  That aside, the regen is pretty good.  Not a dreadful trinket overall, but definitely not my first choice.  This drops from Erudax in Grim Batol normal.

Blood of Isiset:

252 mastery

1512 spirit proc

The mastery on this is a reasonable throughput stat, especially if you're looking at doing 25mans.  The proc is worth ~199mp5, assuming it procs every 90 seconds.

Not a bad trinket overall, only the lack of intellect makes it slightly disappointing.  This drops from Isiset in Halls of Origination normal.

Figurine - Jeweled Serpent:

Requires Jewelcrafting 475

285 intellect

1425 spell power on use

The on-use of this trinket provides a boost of 1568 spell power when you use it with the 10% spell power buff.  The intellect provides 359 int, 395 spell power, 5530 mana, 0.55% spell crit, 28mp5 from replenish, 387 mana from Rapture and ~238mp5 from spirit regen.

Altogether a very nice throughput trinket.  This is a quest reward from Figurine - Jeweled Serpant, which is a Jewelcrafting-only world drop.

Figurine - Dream Owl:

Requires Jewelcrafting 475

285 intellect

1425 spirit on use

Intellect trinket with a spirit on use is my second favourite of all!  The only better is a passive spirit proc.  The spirit proc on this is worth ~140mp5.  The intellect provides 359 int, 395 spell power, 5530 mana, 0.55% spell crit, 28mp5 from replenish, 387 mana from Rapture and ~238mp5 from spirit regen.

Definitely the best of the Jewelcrafting trinkets.  This is a quest reward from Figurine - Dream Owl, which is a Jewelcrafting-only world drop.

Gale of Shadows (Heroic):

285 haste

340 spell power (Your healing and damage periodic spells grant 17 spell power each time they heal or deal damage.   Lasts 15 sec, stacking up to 20 times.)

This trinket is only slightly less dreadful for Discipline than the normal version.  Don't use it.  If you want it for Holy or Shadow, it drops from Erudax in Grim Batol Heroic.

Tendrils of the Burrowing Dark (Heroic):

285 mastery

1710 spell power proc.

Like its normal counterpart, this is a reasonable throughput trinket with a lot of mastery and a proc that gives 1881 spell power with raid buffs.  This is dropped by Ozruk in Stonecore heroic.

Sea Star (Heroic):

285 spirit

1425 spell power on use

The on-use effect will give 1568 spell power with raid buffs and the spirit will provide ~169mp5.

Altogether not amazing due to the lack of throughput stats, it's an alright regen trinket.  This can be found in the cache at the end of the final event in Throne of Tides heroic.

Corrupted Egg Shell (Heroic):

Use: Places Egg Shell on your current target, absorbing 4590 damage.  While Egg Shell persists, you will gain 475 mana every 5 sec.  When the effect is cancelled, you gain 5700 mana.  Lasts 30 sec. (2 Min Cooldown)

Assuming you manage to find someone who won't take damage to put this up on, the total gain from this trinket is 8550 mana every 2 minutes, or ~356mp5.  In raids, however, it's very rare that 30 seconds will go by without anyone taking any damage.  Assuming an uptime of 10s, it's worth about 6650 mana every 2 minutes, or roughly 277mp5.  If it gets cancelled immediately, then it's worth 5700 mana every 2 minutes, or roughly 238mp5.

The lack of throughput, specifically intellect, on this trinket make it a disappointing choice for Discipline.  That aside, the regen is pretty good.  Not a dreadful trinket overall, but definitely not my first choice.  This drops from Erudax in Grim Batol heroic.

Witching Hourglass (Heroic):

285 intellect

1710 haste proc

The haste proc can provide a nice throughput boost, although procs are by nature unpredictable, making throughput boosts random and sometimes laughable for healers.  The intellect on this makes it pretty good though, providing 359 int, 395 spell power, 5530 mana, 0.55% spell crit, 28mp5 from replenish, 387 mana from Rapture and ~238mp5 spirit regen.

Very sexy throughput trinket, although lacking in the regen department.  This drops from Ascendant Lord Obsidius in Blacrock Caverns heroic.

Blood of Isiset (Heroic):

285 mastery

1710 spirit proc

The mastery on this is a reasonable throughput stat, especially if you're looking at doing 25mans.  The proc is worth ~225mp5 overall, assuming it procs every 90 seconds.

Not a bad trinket overall, only the lack of intellect makes it slightly disappointing.  This drops from Isiset in Halls of Origination heroic.

Tear of Blood (Heroic):

285 intellect

1710 spirit proc

Assuming that this procs once every 90seconds, the spirit proc is worth ~168mp5.  The intellect provides 359 int, 395 spell power, 5530 mana, 0.55% spell crit, 28mp5 from replenish, 387 mana from Rapture and ~238mp5 spirit regen.

Definitely the best trinket from 5mans to start raids with, this drops (very, very, very rarely) from High Priestess Azil in Stonecore heroic.

Epic trinkets (ilvl 359)

Mandala of Stirring Patterns:

321 spirit

1926 intellect proc

The spirit on this provides ~199mp5 and, assuming it procs every 90s, the intellect proc will give 2427 int, 2669 spell power, 37372 mana, 3.74% spell crit, 187mp5 from replenish and ~824mp5 from spirit regen for the 10s that it's active with full raid buffs.

As you may have noticed, I much prefer throughput trinkets with regen procs than regen trinkets with throughput procs.  A regen proc never goes to waste, but throughput procs often do.  This is pretty much the worst epic trinket for Discipline.  This trinket is purchasable from the Hellscream's Reach or Baradin's Wardens Quartermaster in Tol Barad.

Jar of Ancient Remedies:

Equip: Your healing spells grant Inner Eye, increasing spirit by 103 for 15 sec and stacking up to 5 times.

Use: Grants 6420 mana, but consumes all applications of Inner Eye and prevents Inner Eye from being triggered for 30 sec. (2 Min Cooldown)

This is another of those tricky ones.  Taking into account the ICD of 2s on Inner Eye and the fact that it only stacks once per spell (PoH won't give you a full stack qq), doesn't proc from Glyph of Prayer of Healing or Holy Nova, it's worth ~496mp5 if you use it on cooldown, ~319mp5 if you don't.

Altogether a very nice regen trinket, although the lack of throughput stats makes it less desirable for Disc.  This trinket drops from Maloriak normal mode in Blackwing Descent.

Soul Casket:

321 mastery

1926 spell power on use

The spell power proc gives 2119 spell power with raid buffs.

This is a very nice throughput trinket for those doing 25s, the on-use makes the spell power better than a proc, but the lack of regen is disappointing.  Not the best trinket, but not a terrible one either if you're not having mana trouble.  This trinket is purchasable from Valour Point vendors in Orgrimmar and Stormwind.

Vibrant Alchemist Stone:

Requires Alchemy 500

301 intellect

1 red gem slot with +10 int socket bonus

194 haste

Equip: Increases the effect that healing and mana potions have on the wearer by 40%.  This effect does not stack.

The equip is worth about 4000 mana over the course of a fight if you use a Mythical Mana Potion.  The haste is very nice for throughput and can be reforged to spirit if you need it.  Assuming you put a Brilliant Inferno Ruby in the gemslot (you'd be crazy not to), the intellect provides 442 int, 486 spell power, 6811 mana, 0.68% spell crit, 34mp5 from replenish, 477 mana from Rapture and ~352mp5 spirit regen with all raid buffs.

Altogether a very nice throughput trinket, but the minimal regen makes it less valuable - 4000 extra mana from a pot is nice, but it can only be used once per fight.  The shorter the fight, the better this trinket becomes, until the fight is too short to make using a potion worthwhile.  A good trinket overall if you're not having mana troubles.

Core of Ripeness:

321 intellect

1926 spirit on use

The spirit proc provides ~199mp5 overall assuming it's used on cooldown.  The intellect provides 404.46 int, 445 spell power, 6228.684 mana, 0.62% spell crit, 31mp5 from replenish, 436 mana from Rapture and ~336mp5 spirit regen with all raid buffs.

A very nice combination of throughput and regen, definitely one of the better trinkets in its tier.  This trinket is purchasable from Valour Point vendors in Orgrimmar and Stormwind.

Fall of Mortality:

321 int

1926 spirit proc

Assuming this procs every 90s, the spirit will provide ~199mp5 overall.  The intellect provides 404.46 int, 445 spell power, 6228.684 mana, 0.62% spell crit, 31mp5 from replenish, 436 mana from Rapture and ~336mp5 spirit regen with all raid buffs.

Again, a very nice combination of throughput and regen, this trinket is slightly better than Core of Ripeness because it doesn't have to be used to get the spirit proc.  This trinket drops from Cho'Gall normal in The Bastion of Twilight.

Darkmoon Card: Tsunami:

321 int

400 spirit (Equip: Your healing spells have a chance to increase your Spirit by 80 for 20 sec.  This effect can stack up to 5 times.)

The spirit on this is worth ~248mp5.  The intellect provides 404 int, 445 spell power, 6229 mana, 0.62% spell crit, 31mp5 from replenish, 436 mana from Rapture and ~336mp5 spirit regen with all raid buffs.

The best part of this trinket is that you can stack it up before you get started, and keep it going through the entire fight.  It procs if you think about healing someone.  I can feel mine proccing from me thinking about proccing it by healing someone and I'm not even logged in.  If you don't have this trinket, get it.  Unless you have BiS heroic trinkets of course.  Definitely one of the 2 BiS trinkets for its tier.  This trinket is the quest reward from Tsunami Deck, which can be obtained via Inscription.

Tyrande's Favourite Doll:

321 intellect

Equip: Recaptures 20% of all the mana you spend on spells, and stores it within the doll to be released at a later time.  Up to a maximum of 4200 mana can be stored.

Use: Releases all mana stored within the doll, causing you to gain that much mana, and all enemies within 15 yards take 1 point of Arcane damage for each point of mana released. (1 Min Cooldown)

The use of this doll gives 4200 mana back every minute, making it worth 350mp5.  The intellect on this provides 404.46 int, 445 spell power, 6228.684 mana, 0.62% spell crit, 31mp5 from replenish, 436 mana from Rapture and ~336mp5 spirit regen with all raid buffs.

This trinket is definitely the very best in it's tier, and one of the 2 BiS trinkets of the current available content.  If you don't have it, get out there and start digging.  This is a rare item available from Night Elf Archaeology digs from 450+ Archaeology.

Heroic Raid Trinkets (ilvl 372+)

Jar of Ancient Remedies (Heroic):

Equip: Your healing spells grant Inner Eye, increasing spirit by 116 for 15 sec and stacking up to 5 times.

Use: Grants 7260 mana, but consumes all applications of Inner Eye and prevents Inner Eye from being triggered for 30 sec. (2 Min Cooldown)

Taking into account the ICD of 2s on Inner Eye and the fact that it only stacks once per spell (PoH won't give you a full stack qq), doesn't proc from Glyph of Prayer of Healing or Holy Nova, it's worth ~603mp5 if you use it on cooldown, ~375mp5 if you don't.

Altogether a very nice regen trinket, although the lack of throughput stats makes it less desirable for Disc.  This trinket drops from Maloriak heroic mode in Blackwing Descent.

Fall of Mortality (Heroic):

363 int

1926 spirit proc (to be increased to 2178 in 4.1)

As 4.1 is imminent, I'm going to be using the new amount to calculate the value.  Assuming this procs every 90s, it is worth ~235mp5.  The intellect provides 457 int, 503 spell power, 7044 mana, 0.7% spell crit, 35mp5 from replenish, 493 mana from Rapture and ~447mp5 from spirit regen with all raid buffs.

A very good combination of throughput and regen, with the bonus of having a proc effect instead of an on-use effect.  I'd say this trinket is about equal to Darkmoon Card: Tsunami, depending on whether you need the extra regen or the throughput is more valuable.  A little disappointing from a heroic trinket, but still not dreadful.

Shard of Woe:

Equip: Reduces the base mana cost of your spells by 405.

1935 haste on use (1 min cooldown)

I'm not a fan of on-use trinkets, or throughput procs in general, but haste on-use on this is very, very nice, especially with a 1 minute cooldown instead of the usual 2 minutes.

Let's look at that equip now.  Reduces the base mana cost of your spells by 405.  Wow.  Seriously, wow.  All very well and good for me to say that, I know, but let's look at it directly.  Let's say you're using a spell every 2s.  That's 405 mana gained by not being used every 2s.  That's effectively 1012.5mp5.  How about if you're casting on GCD?  That's 405 mana gained every 1.5s, which is effectively 1350mp5.  And if you're renew spamming as Holy with the talented 1s GCD?  2025mp5.

I officially declare this trinket to be BiS for this entire expansion.  May Blizzard prove me wrong.