Firelands!

Woo Firelands today!  Ok gonna go play now BYE!

Finding a new guild

There are a lot of threads out there telling people how to apply to a guild but, as far as I can tell, very few of them come from the point of view of the recruitment officer.  So I thought I'd throw in my 2cents.

Step 1:

Find out what your current guild's reputation is.

Wait, what?  Why would this affect me?  I'm leaving.  Well, it makes a huge difference.  If your current guild has a reputation for being bad or douchebags, you will have to work to convince the guild you're applying to that you're not one of those people.  Nobody wants That Guy, and some guilds have a reputation for being That Guy storehouses.

For example, we could have bled a certain similarly progressed guild of at least half their members but the contact I got from them was, on average, less "I can't stand these people" and more "You should be grateful I'm even considering you, you worthless sack of dung. I expect to be made guild leader right away."  People from that guild automatically get a black mark against them and I'm wary of considering them no matter how good their experience is.  A single incorrect gem or enchant is enough for me to turn them away.

On the other hand, there are certain guilds that have a very good reputation where I'm willing to overlook a lot to get my grubby little paws on one of their members (We have at least one person who is capable of playing the applicant's class/spec extremely well and can teach them).  After making sure that they really want to leave of course.

Step 2:

Find a non-officer to chat to.

The easiest way to do this is armoury the guild and pick someone from the highest populated rank.  This will usually mean an alt or a member raider (depending on whether or not the guild allows alts).  If you've found an officer, move on.  A guild with more officers than members is bad news.

When you've found someone suitable, ensure that they're not in an instance and whisper them politely to ask if you can have a minute of their time to chat about their guild as you're thinking of applying.  Be patient.  Wait 5 minutes and then try again if you don't get a response in that time.  If they don't respond on your third attempt, try someone else.  If you don't get any responses, even to try redirect you to an officer, then bear in mind that the guild atmosphere is probably very unfriendly to new people.

When you do get someone to chat to, ask how long they've been in guild, what raid atmosphere is like, what guild atmosphere is like, how drama is dealt with, if the officers are nice, etc.  Don't ask any "officer" questions (what loot system do you have, what are the raid times, what consumables are provided, what am I expected to bring etc).  See if you can start up a nice, fun chat with the person.  If they're new, ask them to direct you to a long-time resident of the guild.

Step 3:

Go to the guild website and look around.

Read everything you have access to without signing up.  There should be a progress report, a set of guild rules, an application form and, if you're lucky, all applications will be public.

Look at the progress stuff first.  If there are kill vids, watch them all.  This will give you a good sense of raid atmosphere and the people in the guild.

Read the rules head to toe.  Make a note of anything unusual.  One guild that I've looked at had "Your favourite flavour of jellybean is Crazy Confetti.  Make a note of this, it will be important later." stuffed randomly into their guild rules.  I giggled and moved on to their application form and there, right at the end, was the question I was expecting:  "What is your favourite flavour of jellybean?"

Read recent applications.  Look at the experience that the applicants have and the reasons for a decline or accept.  Look at their WotLK experience as well as their current experience.  Check the dates on their achievements.  If you have the same or less experience than someone who was declined on account of lack of experience then don't waste your time or theirs applying unless you've had a direct invitation to apply from an officer (this does not mean "I whispered them after they posted their ad in trade and they said go apply", this means "I ran in their alt run as a pug and someone asked if I'd be interested in joining them and gave me the website address").

Step 4:

Decide whether or not this guild sounds like a place you would like to be.

Throw progress and moving up in the ranks and so on out of the window.  Pretend you are joining a social guild and intend to stay there for life.  Is this the place that you want to be for the rest of your life?  What are the odds of you staying for longer than a month? 3 months? 6 months?  Will you be able to deal with these people for 100% of your leisure time for months on end?

The most important thing here is to be honest with yourself.  Don't just say "Yes I want to be in this guild" and ignore the warning flags your brain has raised.  If a top progression guild seems like a godawfully miserable place to be, then rather find a less progressed guild where you'll enjoy yourself.  A reputation for guild hopping follows you to different realms.  A lot of guilds look for references from officers of previous guilds while considering your app.

Step 5:

Check yourself.

Make sure your spec is good.  If you don't have a cookie cutter build or you have odd talent or glyph choices, make sure they're good and you have solid reasoning behind them.  Make sure every single item of gear you have is gemmed and enchanted with the best enchant that's available to you.  A reasonable officer won't be upset if you have haste on blue wrists instead of the expensive Intellect/Agility/Strength maelstrom enchant, but don't count on the person looking at your app being reasonable.  Make sure to log out in the spec and correct gear for that spec on every single logout until you get a response to your app.  Don't equip any new gear even if you log out for less than a minute to go make the enchant and gems on your alt.  Assume that luck will not favour you and that less than a minute between armoury updates will be the exact time the recruitment officer looks at your toon.

Step 6:

Make an application.

This might sound strange but, don't use the application template as an actual template.  It will make your application stand out from the rest.  The minute I see an app which isn't a direct copy-paste with answers in place of the bracketed info I sit up and pay real attention.  Everytime I have to decline an app like this a piece of my soul dies.  Fortunately, it's extremely rare that someone who makes that much effort over an app is below our requirements (only 1 so far thank goodness).

Write up your application in a separate place, Word, Notepad, Wordpad, whatever and make sure to hit save occasionally (your av deciding to reboot for you when you're just about to hit Submit is soul-crushing).  When you're finished your application, check the time.  If you spent less than 2 hours writing your app, you did it wrong.  Go back and flesh out your responses.

Make sure that you answer every question that is asked, even if you think that they're stupid.  Don't look for a right answer because there isn't one.  Just give an honest one.  Try make your answer to silly or personality questions original and interesting.  If I had a penny for every time I've seen "downing a hard boss" in answer to "What's your most rewarding WoW experience?" I'd have... well 20p, because we've only had 20 apps since we added that question.  Be specific.  Which boss?  Be descriptive.  Outline the back story and colour in the frustration and the magic of everything coming together and just working the way it sometimes does.  Make a joke out of it.  Something.  Anything!  Just be different.

Add logs to your app, even if they're not asked for.  Even if you're a tank.  I want to see how much avoidable damage you take, use of survival cooldowns, pot usage, damage done, healing done...  The works.  And don't just give that one set of logs where you were top of the damage/healing meter either.  Link a set of logs where you did farm content and one where you did progress content.  I want to see how comfortable and reliable you are in progression content as well as how high you can push those numbers in content you're familiar with.

Step 7:

Wait.

This is the hardest part.  Some guilds aren't rigorous about looking at their forums.  Don't expect to be contacted in-game.  Assume that the response to your application will be on forums.  Wait a week for a response on forums before whispering anyone in the guild requesting a response.  If a week goes by without a response and you do end up having to whisper someone, try make sure it's an officer (armoury is your friend here again - whisper someone in the top 3 guild ranks for preference) and be polite.  "I'm terribly sorry to bother you, I made an application on your guild forums about a week ago and I was wondering what the average response time is."  The same rules of "not in an instance or raid" apply here.  If you bug me while I'm fighting Omnotron I'm NOT going to answer you.  Unless you immediately apologise for disturbing me and say you'll contact me after the raid.  Don't ask me what time that is - you should know already, having been on the forums to apply.

Step 8:

Don't argue with the person who responds to your post.

Yes, even if they're stupid.  If you're asked about talent, glyph, reforge and gear choices, don't be confrontational.  Give reasons why you have those talents.  If you have any awkward talents like Body and Soul which can cause clashes with a Discipline priest, show that you're aware of potential clashes and explain the utility that you can provide with Body and Soul.  If they ask a question that you can't find a reasonable answer to, go respec/gem/enchant/glyph and respond saying "You made an excellent point and brought something to my attention that I can't believe I missed.  My sincerest apologies for making you think I am an idiot.  Please give me another chance to prove that I'm not."  Ok, you don't have to be a sycophant, but do acknowledge any errors on your part and fix them as soon as possible.

Step 9:

Your trial.

But wait, I'm already in the guild.  This isn't part of the application process, is it?  Yes, actually.  It is.  You're still not a member of the guild, you're just being allowed to run errands for the cool kids for a bit to see if you're cool enough to hang with them.

Stay quiet until you've made some friends and are comfortable with the guild atmosphere.  Don't establish your presence right off the bat.  Don't speak unless spoken to.  If a fun, nonsense conversation is going on, join in.  Contradictory?  Not really.  Getting a feel for guild atmosphere is good, making yourself the guy that never speaks to anyone is bad.

If you're assigned a go-to person regarding your class, contact them immediately and ask if they have any suggestions for you.  Ask reasons if you don't understand and act on their advice immediately if they have good reasons.

Read the rest of forums.  Especially any strats that are up.  Read the entirety of the strat thread.  There might be a crucial change on page 10 to the main strat posted on page 1.  If the strat thread has no answers, contact your officer and ask about those strats.  Just because the fight was so easy that it was done on the first day doesn't mean there weren't strat changes on that first day, it just means that nobody bothered to update it.

Be helpful.  If someone wants a boost, offer to help when you're done with whatever you're doing now.  Don't feel obliged to drop what you're doing to help them.  Apologise if you're unable to, eg if you're just running your daily random quickly and afterwards you have to log off to make supper and offer to help them another time.  If someone asks for people for a heroic, offer your assistance.  Obviously don't put yourself out too much, but be as helpful and friendly as you can be within your time constraints.

Be kind and polite to everyone.  You never know when that social member you're being slightly condescending to is actually a long-standing member who is currently on a hiatus due to irl issues and will be back his officer spot by the time your trial comes up for promotion/kick.  Or the guild leader's girlfriend.  Or one of the longstanding raiders' best friend.  You have been warned.

How to convince a guild that they want you even though your experience is dismal:

Find out who the recruitment officer is and speak to them.

Be friendly and polite and a little (not too much) grovelly.  Say that you know that your experience is below what they would normally accept and that you're afraid to apply because you're positive that you'll be rejected and ask if there is any way at all that they could maybe possibly give you a trial run in their alt run or something.  Make sure that your gear is gemmed and enchanted perfectly and up-to-date with the best website that there is for your class (usually EJ).  Don't be rude or abusive if they say no.  Thank them for their time and say that you'll go and get some experience and get back to them.

The odds of you being given a trial run is tiny.  Don't run away with the idea that this is a surefire method of getting in with minimal experience.  It's a maybe only.  And you still have to perform to the quality of their main run as well as be universally liked in the trial run if you get it.  Being as good as our alts won't get you spot even if I do let you in.  Being better than our alts will give you a good chance.  Being as good as or better than our mains will guarantee that your app will be accepted, even if this is your first toon and you've never raided before.

How Not to do it:

1.  Try and get out of making a forum app.  Act insulted that they are too lazy to inspect you in-game or armoury you.

2.  Pick a member of the raid team and critique them in your app, explaining why you're a much better choice than my 25k dps hunter who does everything (I mean everything, gongs on Atra, parasites on Magmaw, freeing drakes on Halfus, adds on Cho'gall - you name the dps responsibility beyond "hit the boss until it dies", he does it), was a founding member of the guild 3.5 years ago and has been my guild leader's best friend for 20 years and how you should replace him.

3.  Make sure to let the recruiting officer know how grateful he should be that you've condescended to consider boosting them even though they're far below your capabilities.  They might be unaware of this otherwise.

4.  Demand a spot in the main raid team immediately.

5.  Demand that a secondary group is started if told that they're not taking apps at the time.

6.  Say that you got kicked out of your last guild because they were *^#*&@^# retards and list all the reasons why they were *^#&@)(@$ retards.  Use every swear word you know at least 3 times.

7.  Say that you think the guild rules are stupid.  Provide a list of stupidities in the guild rules and make your reasoning as flawed as possible.  eg, "teh rool wut sez ur not aloud 2 ninja stuf r DUM cos i r beta then teh n00bz wut r in teh grp n i desreve teh stuf 2 seel moar then wut tey r dserev 2 were".

8.  If all else fails, be as obnoxious and unpleasant to everyone you come into contact with from said guild.

Losing it

I have Bipolar Disorder, Type II to be precise.  I'm supposed to be taking Lithium Carbonate (450mg) daily and I have a Fluoxetine prescription as well - not to be taken daily but there for particularly bad depressive episodes.  I also sporadically have prescriptions for sleeping tablets when the insomnia I've suffered from for the last 12 years gets unmanagable and tranquilisers so strong you could literally knock out a horse with them for the minor breakdowns I experience due to rapid cycling.

Literally my only memory of feeling "normal" is from the first month of the Lithium prescription.  After that I stopped taking it as it was affecting my problem-solving capability, which is Death when you solve problems for a living.  Now I only take it when I've undergone a week or more of rapid cycling.

About that "feeling normal" thing.  It's weird as hell.  Feeling stable is the creepiest thing I've ever experienced.  Strangely, I did NOT like it.  Not even a tiny bit.  It felt like a nervous breakdown in reverse.

The following is not a scientific breakdown of the types of episodes that come with Bipolar Disorder, it's an emotional one.

Clang associations:

Usually associated with a manic state, these can strike at any time.  Basically it's rhyming words.  A good example from my own life is driving past a girl who parked badly and suddenly starting to talk about hunting.  How did I get there?  Well, my mom calls people (men and women) "bimbo" so it's a bit of a habit of mine too.  And "bimbo" sounds like "Bambi" who is a deer and I was hungry ok?

Play word association with someone in a manic state sometime.  You'll never be more confused in your life.  When you're manic, your mind moves at ridiculous speeds, so someone saying "shoe" will make you think "moo", "cow", "meow" and by the time it gets to your mouth it will be "persian".

Manic episodes:

FUN!  They feel great.  Amazing!  You can conquer the world, you're stronger, smarter and more attractive than everyone around you.  It's a lot like being drunk except you won't get arrested if you drive and you don't feel nearly as confused.  It sounds exactly the way I've heard a cocaine-high described.

It sounds great, doesn't it?  Come back and read this again after you've looked at what a Depressive Episode feels like.  I personally LOVE manic episodes.  They're awesome.  But they're also very, very dangerous.  That feeling of invincibility will get you run over by a bus.  Or have you jump off a roof because "I can do anything!  Even fly!"

Grumpy-manic episodes:

Everything is The Most Irritating Thing In The Whole World.  Everyone is The Most Irritating Person That Ever Lived.  This is a good source for that lovely unreasonable behaviour that is so cliched from women on their periods.  Add in a menstrual cycle and you can get the most random and arbitrary irritations.  I've crapped out The Man more than once for "Do you have to chew so loudly?  You're going to wake up the neighbours!" as well as "Are you ill or something?  Is your nose blocked?  Or are you breathing like that just to annoy me?  Because it's working.".  He just looks at me until I get fed up and go away, then waits patiently for me to apologise.  He's very patient.

Depressive episodes:

Imagine you get the news that your Significant Other, your favourite pet, both your parents and your best friend have all died.  Add a healthy helping of "I got fired" and a sprinkling of eviction notice.  Now double it.  Welcome to a depressive episode.

Some days, for no reason at all, I will wake up feeling like this.  It can last for months.  My personal record is 18months.  It's paralysing.  I mean that literally.  Some days I will be utterly unable to move or think for hours on end.  Imagine being so miserable that all you can think about is killing yourself but literally not having the energy to do it.  You could have a loaded gun 2 feet away from you and be physically incapable of picking it up, no matter how desparately you want to.  The good days are the ones where you're able to cry.

Psychotic episodes:

Yes.  Not pleasant.  Can be as mild as vague auditory hallucinations (my own experiences have mostly been hearing people talk as though they're just outside the room I'm in) and as severe as trying (or, heaven help you, succeeding) to kill someone.  Fortunately, these are rare for me.  And I have friends I'm comfortable enough with to ask for help before I do anything stupid.

Amnesia:

You know when you go out and get so drunk that you lose a part of the night?  That.  But without the drinking.  It's usually coupled with manic episodes, but personal experience shows that during a depressive episode experiences from manic episodes are blank or fuzzy and experiences from depressive episodes are crystal clear and during a manic episode experiences from depressive episodes are blank and fuzzy while experiences from other manic episodes are crystal clear.

Rapid cycling:

Swinging from manic to depressive to grumpy-manic and back again.  In the space of about 5 minutes.  These can last for weeks.  Even an hour of rapid cycling is unpleasant in the extreme.  Two weeks of it could break anyone.

Hypersexuality:

Also known as nymphomania.  I'm convinced that at least half the guys I've dated have only put up with my crap because of this.

Ground state:

Miserable.  I wake up nearly every day of my life disappointed that I didn't die in my sleep.  The light at the end of the tunnel is always a train.  Every day is an exercise in misery and hurt.  Everything that can go wrong, will.  Everyone who's nice to you is only nice to you because they want something.  Every time you ask someone to help you, you wind up losing a friend.

Those last two aren't always true - hell with the friends I have it's never true - but it certainly feels like it is.  My big mistake here is going to people who I don't know very well but turned to me for help before and that I've helped.  I've learnt this lesson now.  Now I turn to people I know I can trust.

Social interactions:

These are... problematic.  A certain amount of crazy is accepted if you preface every social interaction with "Hi my name is [name] and I have bipolar disorder."  From the people who don't go "Er... Hi.... Um... Oh look someone over there is calling me BYE" anyway.  Even so, only a certain amount of crazy is permissable.  And let me tell you, that never extends to randomly bursting into tears on people.  Manic is acceptable to a point (taking your clothes off and dancing on the table only acceptable if you're hot), saying weird things is acceptable to a point, crying is never acceptable and neither is randomly turning around to the guy next to you and telling him he's the loudest chewer in the world and can he please SHUT UP ALREADY JEEZ.

Ok so you learn these basic rules and how to work around them, eg never going anywhere where there are people you don't know when you're having a depressive episode, making sure you have someone with you who can physically prevent you from doing something stupid if you're manic, avoiding all contact with everyone when you're grumpy-manic and above all learning how to contain the painful emotions ripping around inside you whenever anyone else is around.

Unfortunately, this makes me very nervous when I'm in a new or unfamiliar situation.  Which makes me awkward.  Which means that I offend people because I'm trying so hard not to.  This in turn makes me assume that everyone hates me, which leads to me panicking that I've offended someone because I ping them on msn and they don't answer for 20 minutes.  I'm 98% sure I've lost at least one friendship because of me repeating "I'm sorry - what did I do wrong so I know not to do it again?  Please don't ignore me." ad nauseum.

I find it unbelievably difficult to trust anyone because of how people react to my moods.  Even when they say they understand, they don't.  And very few people will be willing to deal with the mood swings inherent to Bipolar Disorder for long periods.  This means that, in general, you have to keep the facade up around your friends until you're comfortable enough to let the crazy start seeping out.  Even then, it has to be small bits at a time.  You can't just wait 6 months, then make them babysit you when you're manic and have a giant crying fit on them in one afternoon.

Then, of course, there's my own unusual upbringing to take into account.  I've been brought up with such old fashioned manners that I consider most of my parents' contemporaries to be rude.  I tend to retreat into big words and immaculate grammar when I'm angry (the angrier I am, the bigger the words - hint: 4+syllables means you're in seriously hot water), which lends me a "snooty" air.  I love learning things so people who have knowledge in an area I don't tend to come away from a conversation with me feeling like they're leaving an interrogation.  Most of the people in my life are the same so people who make uninformed or ignorant statements tend to feel like they're in a lecture.  For a nice added touch, a friend of mine from high school trained me to interrupt him and correct his grammar while he was talking because he wasn't a native English speaker and didn't want to sound stupid.  I'm aware this is extremely rude but we spent so much time together over the years that I don't even do it consciously.  I tend towards bluntness, which makes me abrasive.  It turns out that most people don't actually want a friend who will say "Yes, that dress makes you look like an elephant.  A clown elephant.  Can I fix your make-up for you?  Please?" no matter how much they say they do...

Quite possibly the worst part is the tendency to abusive relationships.  Why?  Because I hate myself so much that no nice person could possibly deserve such a horrible fate as to have me inflicted on them as a friend or lover.  I've had numerous "friends" who I've helped time after time who've abandoned me the minute I've asked for their help.  My husband woke me up with a knife and raped me when I eventually got up the courage to tell him to get out by the end of the week.

Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train, it's an angel.

As bleak as the picture I paint may seem, I have good friends.  I don't know how I managed to stumble on them but I can't even begin to describe to you how important they are to me.  It has always been my policy with this blog never to use real or in-game names for anyone, but here I feel that it's necessary.

Dave, Jack, Connor, Penny, Malik and Alex.  I owe you guys my life and what little there is of my sanity.  I don't think any of you realise just how important you are to me and how much strength and hope you've given me.  The number of times you've made my world a better place to live in just by answering an sms, calling and saying hi just because you felt like it, dropping a message on my facebook wall and any number of random, everyday things that people don't even really think about isn't one I think any of you would believe.

And, of course, The Man.  Jason.  I don't even know where to begin.  You know how to bring me down gently from a manic episode.  You've brought my ground state up higher than it's ever been before.  Sometimes I even wake up smiling because you're next to me.  You always have the right words and tone to make me realise when I'm being unreasonable.  You recognise when that's not enough to snap me out of a grumpy-manic episode instantly and take the kids and entertain them until the words register properly.  You go out of your way to make me happy when I'm miserable.  The best part?  You know when to do all these things without me having to ask, sometimes before even I notice that I'm leaning slightly towards an episode.  You're an amazing father and extremely patient both with me and my children.  There aren't words in any language to say how much I love you and how much you mean to me.  Thank you.

Profession bonuses - one or two?

My guild leader is a strange man.  He racechanges to Tauren for 5000 extra hit points (he's a tank) and flat out told me to turn away any tank applicants with Tailoring, but refuses to even suggest to the raid group that they should have 2 professions with useful bonuses, saying gathering professions are just fine.  "But obviously any tank with Tailoring is dreadful!" you say.  But what if said tank has Enchanting as his other profession?  Enchanting is easiest to level with Tailoring, so couldn't you consider Tailoring then to be his "gathering" profession?

Now don't get me wrong - I don't insist that everyone have Jewelcrafting and either Tailoring (casters), Engineering (caster and melee dps) or Blacksmithing (dps and tanks).  But it really is so easy to have 2 professions that give useful bonuses.  I realise that the average benefit is equivalent to 80 of your favourite stat and how often does an extra 80 strength/agility/intellect or 120 stamina on one toon make the difference between a wipe and a kill?  Well, I guess the answer to that is how many 1% enrage wipes have you had?  How many times have you wiped at 1% because your last healer went oom and had no mana cooldowns left?  How many times has your tank died from a 1500 overkill hit?

And it's not like there aren't useful gathering professions out there.  Mining is acceptable for tank, Herbalism is great for most caster dps and even Skinning is nice for some classes (although let's be honest this would be what? Fire Mage?).  But quite frankly, Mining on a dps toon is just lazy.  Level a damned alt for mining (DKs are cheap and easy and if your main is a DK then you have a lvl55 already get levelling you horrible slacker) and get, well, anything else at all.

What about people who are designated offspeccers?  Should our tank with a healing offspec have Mining?  To me this is a bit of a grey area, but I will say here that if it were me I would get 2 professions that are useful to both of my specs.